Are you barfing kidding me?!

Recap: we "won" the appeal (meaning, we successfully defended the appeal, and also won our cross appeal). We suggested a $200 per month break in child support so that we wouldn't have to deal w/ the abatement process by which his child support obligation gets credited back to him when he visits here. It's a good deal for him because he's getting a $1200 per year break on child support. It's a good deal for us because so far, he has done the abatement incorrectly 100% of the time. Our recourse is to a) ignore it and let him claim ridiculous expenses - like mini bar in the hotel room, b) object to the abatement, and eventually pay a lawyer at $200 per hour to present to the court why we objected (a $50 error on the ex's part).

We gave them until Friday to give us an answer.

Last Thursday, the ex took my daughter out of state for the day. "What's the problem with that?" you might ask. Well...Thursday was the day we were supposed to bring Scooter home. So...she missed her flight. Even though he was back in Omaha 2 hours before her flight actually took off. He just ignored us completely. We couldn't easily re-arrange our schedule. It was a mess. We have a good case for a civil contempt of court, but again, we're left deciding if we want to spend a bunch of money for the sake of being right. I would have to fly back for that hearing, since it's a new lawsuit, so we'd have another flight to Omaha - the city I've been trying to leave for 2 years, now. Ugh. Tough decisions. Especially when we'd rather be spending our money on other stuff. $51,000 is enough to spend on anything.

So anyway, we didn't get an answer on Friday.

I flew back to Omaha and picked up Scooter on Saturday.

Today (Monday), we closed on our house. Hooray!!! It was supposed to happen on Friday, but things came up (see Thursday, above). Then, I get an email from the ol' lawyer. Instead of a $200 per month break on child support, they want $320. Yeah. They want their total child support payment to be 49% of their total child support obligation for the year. Um, no. The judge granted him 4 visits per year that he'd be allowed to get reimbursed for (I say reimbursed b/c technically, he's supposed to actually pay the child support that's due). So, no. I guess we're back to using the abatement process, paying the lawyer $400 to get back $100. At least with doing it this way, he actually has to do the visit to get any break on child support. The other way, he would have gotten the break either way.

I think we all could use a little distance from this. It's been heated. It's getting worse. I know I'll get slammed for this, but I think we should just back off (and document the crap out of our lives) for a while, and then in a year or so, really nail him. It's kind of how we won this thing in the first place. We just sat back and let him do his thing for years. Then, when we wanted to do something, all we had to do was point out his past actions, and we got what we wanted...

Interesting...

So either my web browser at work was updated/a patch was installed or google has made my blog admin site backwards compatible with the ancient browser we use at work. Either way, I can access the ol' blog again. Do you know what that means? I'll be writing more. Again. Or not. I guess we'll see.

It's a lot easier to spill your guts to the anonymous internet (even when I'm not anonymous to you) when there's a big, scary life event happening. But at this point, things are relatively settled. Kind of. Except days like today, when you email the ex for what should be a routine exchange surrounding pick up/drop off times and it turns into a full on battle of ridiculousness. I mean, it's not like Scooter isn't going to come home this week. Because she is. And if she doesn't come home when she's supposed to, he'll pay the difference.

Man, I just wish ONE interaction with that man wouldn't leave me shaking with stress and anger and helplessness. I just want to be able to interact with each other in a reasonable manner. You know...talk about stuff, each side being able to discuss and bring up points without being totally shut down and starting a fight. Ugh.

On an unrelated note, he owes over $2,000 in child support. I re-opened my child support enforcement case against him today. Again.

How many times does CSE have to knock on his door before he loses his job on the police force? I guess that's one way to get out of paying child support.

Away, away

I've had trouble keeping up with this thing since my browser at work is no longer supported by google. We're in the dark ages (yes, I work in IT; no, I cannot make decisions as to when we upgrade our software). It's too difficult (read: I'm too lazy) to actually think about, type, edit, publish a blog from home in the evenings. So I don't. I've tried composing blogs and saving them in my email so all I have to do is copy/paste when I get home, but alas, I have 4 unfinished blog entries in my email and no desire to finish/publish them.

So here's a quick (or long) recap of the past 6 or 8 months.
Dec: the ex finished up his appeal brief and submitted it to the court.
Jan: we finished up our answer/cross appeal brief and submitted it to the court. The cross appeal was about the fairness of the child support portion of the ruling. Basically, as it stood, the ex would get 100% abatement of child support for 2 months in the summer (that's ok. we said actually suggested that). But...he would also be able to abate up to 100% of hotel and airfare costs he incurs in ANY month he comes to Portland to visit. Essentially last year, he abated every month except 2, one of which he tried to abate. We thought that was unfair.
Feb: the ex finished up his reply brief, thus ending the brief portion of the appeals process. One sentence read, "Again, appellant would be happy to pay his full child support obligation, if Appellee's request for removal is overturned..." To me, it sounds like blackmail.
Mar: we waited with baited breath to see the court call schedule - there was also a chance that they could just rule w/o hearing oral arguments.
April: we made it to the proposed call - meaning we would be presenting oral arguments in June, unless they ruled w/o argument.
May: waiting, waiting.
June: School got out. We desperately tried to find a house to put an offer in on before Scooter had to leave. We put one in, but we ended up pulling out of negotiations. Ben took Scooter back to Omaha on the same day (coincidentally) as oral arguments. The lawyer called all giddy with excitement over how arguments went. 99% of the time was spent discussing our cross appeal.
July: We put in an offer on a house, but it was rejected. We were dejected. I stalked the appeals court website for an opinion. We got one. We won. Big time. Our cross appeal was remanded (meaning the trial court has to fix it), and we successfully defended the actual appeal. We put another offer in a house. It was accepted. Bubba and I went to summer camp with Scooter, my mom and all the cousins. My sister, Ami, stayed the whole time with us. It was so great to see everyone. So great.
August: It's just started, but already, we had the hearing w/ the trial judge. The visits that the ex can get reimbursed for is capped at 4 per year. He still has the 2 months in the summer, so effectively his child support obligation is about 50% of what it would be if we were in Omaha. But to be honest, in mediation (back in November 2010), I offered that he wouldn't have to pay ANY child support if he'd just agree to settle out of court, and he said no, so I'm still better off that we could have been (minus the $51,000 we've spent on the lawyer - so far). We'll close on the house on the 21st. Scooter comes home in less than 2 weeks. Things are definitely looking up for us in Oregon.

Beauty in the Dark

My husband is a triple threat. "Sing, Dance Act?" you ask. No (well...not in front of an audience, anyway). It's more like: Write, photograph, fill in other desirable talent here. He can write music, wrestle, cook, clean, etc etc etc. His "day job" involves editing medical text. He has a part time job writing movie reviews. His new business is aspiring photographer. No, he probably won't do your wedding. He likely will not have you pose for high school photos, either (although he and I have been known to take each other's fake senior portraits on vacation as a joke). He will create some art that you could hang in your home or small business or gallery as a conversation piece.

His brand of artistry captures not just what you can see with the naked eye. You see, he takes photographs at night. He does day shots as well, but I like his night shots best. They take a long time to set up and shoot. His exposures last 30 seconds or more. All of which would bore me to tears if I were out with him. But he does it alone. In the dark. These painstaking trips in the dark often yield one photo. Don't get me wrong, he'll take a few. But with each exposure lasting so long, you have to wait for a while to see if what you are shooting is good. Or if you need to make an adjustment. And it's all a test of your fortitude in 30 degree weather, which for me, makes it all the more impressive. So I'll gladly go camping with him over the next few years and sleep quietly in a tent with the kids while he's out capturing the sky.

 

Curious? Check out his flickr page.

 

 

Generous? Send his flickr page to someone looking to spruce up that spare bedroom with a print.

Judo, Chop!

Bubba and Ben wrestled the other night. Then, Scooter and Ben wrestled. Then, Bubba and Ben, then Scooter and Ben, then...you get the idea. It was difficult to keep it 1 on 1 rather than 2 on 1, which surely would have resulted in more injuries than what were sustained that night. Who was injured, you might ask? Me. I wasn't even involved, other than to keep the non-wrestling party busy. Bubba was sitting on my lap, squirming around to try to get into the action. At one point, he threw his body back against me and cracked me right on the chin with his head. It didn't phase him, but I have a blue bruise on the bottom of my chin. I never realized how often I sit at my desk with my chin on my hand until the day(s) after. Youch. Ben (actually, Ben's nose) usually takes the brunt of Bubba's errant body parts; I guess it was my turn.

 

It seems the mental abuse I've been inflicting upon myself for the past year is finally manifesting itself physically. Not only do I have a bruise on my chin a la Bubba, but I also have a skinned knee. I'd say this one is even worse than the one I got last year. I slipped on the curb on my way TO work (last time was the way home from work). Luckily, I did not ruin a pair of work pants this time, but man, my knee hurts. I suppose I've always kind of been a klutz. I remember my step mom making an off-hand comment about me in my "clumsy phase" except that phase started before I moved in with them in 6th grade, and I was still tripping through it when I moved out after high school. Because I like to think the best in people, I'll remember the comment being her way of trying to make me feel better about hitting my shin on the dishwasher and spilling my cereal all over the clean dishes. The trouble is, the only reason I don't do that, anymore is because I've quit eating cereal in the mornings. Either that, or I've quit emptying the dishwasher.

 

The appeal defense brief is due at the end of the month. If I've learned anything from the past 19 months, it's that lawyers are much like college students. They don't work on projects until moments before they're due. As such, I have not heard from my lawyer in weeks, and in order to save a buck (or $200), I have not contacted his office - even though I'm wondering about the objection I filed to the ex's child support abatement, and I'm starting to freak out about the appeal and what we're going to say. I will, though, keep trucking and wait to call until next week. By then, he'll at least have re-read the trial brief from a year ago...

Brother, can you spare a dime?

Way back in September, 2010, I moved here, and immediately (I believe I picked up my first penny in the parking lot of the hotel I was about to get a room in) began finding change on the ground. I thought to myself, "hey, wouldn't it be neat if I found a penny every day until Scooter comes out here?" I started to keep track. There were days at a time when I wouldn't find anything. Other days, I'd find a lot (on the windiest December day in 2010, I found a dollar bill on the ground). I kept an internal log for nearly a year, and in that time, found over $5.00. Way better than my goal of a penny per day. I began to think of Portland as this generous cash-cow city. I marveled at the fact that I would find so much money on my well-worn walk to and from work. Recession? What recession?! Well, this fall, the days between treasure-finding became more pronounced. I'd go 10 days, sometimes weeks between finding a penny.

Ben and I joked that it was the recession. Ground change lags as a recession indicator. Rather than dollar bills, I'd only find pennies. When those, too, became scarce, I'd start finding IOUs or coupons. Ha ha ha. Well...this week, I have found one penny. But it was the first one of the year. I have not found any coupons or IOU notes. What I have been starting to find is gently used items. I have not become so desperate as to pick any of them up, but who would have guessed that I would find 3 toothbrushes in 3 separate areas in one day? This morning, I found a nail file. I guess this week was bathroom week.

I wonder if I'll start finding kitchen utensils next week? I kind of need a new (or gently used) mixer...

Snowy day

Well, I guess I'll have to admit I was wrong. There was SNOW ON THE VALLEY FLOOR yesterday. It started snowing when we were eating breakfast. The soft, big flakes were falling outside of our kitchen window. It looked like our kitchen table was a "typical American family" set for a TV show, and outside our window, some grip was dumping flakes to make it look like snow. There was a light dusting on the grass. It was lovely. By the time we were done eating breakfast, the sun had come out and it had all melted. It did it again in the early afternoon. So beautiful. So short-lived.

The snow, then melt conditions in Portland meant that Mt. Hood was getting dumped on. 9 inches since 10 am yesterday, and it's still snowing. Yes, I've been stalking the Timberline webcams with the hope that I'll catch a glimpse of Scooter or Ben. It's still snowing up there. I can't wait for them to get home to tell me all about their day!

Snow on the VALLEY FLOOR!!!

It hasn't started, yet. And to be honest, I have my doubts that it actually will happen. The news earlier mentioned that there were horrible lines at local grocery stores as people were stocking up before the impending storm. Some were even running out of certain items. Canned food and batteries? No. Milk, bread and toilet paper. Yes, folks. In preparation for (at most) 2 days of being stuck in one's home, the people of Portland stock up on toilet paper. Apparently, there's a lot of pooping going on in this city.

Scooter and I made friendship bracelets today while Bubba "napped." I made one for her (with colors she picked out), and she made one for Bubba, with colors he picked out months ago. It was fun and a nice little bit of mom time for her. It was the least I could do after dragging her to Costco, a hobby store and Target earlier today. If there's one thing she hates, it's running errands. She's definitely my mother's granddaughter.

Bubba is sick. He stayed home from school yesterday, and was actually very good for Ben. He cuddled nicely, watched movies, and took a 3 hour nap. Today? He was still sick (his cough was worse and his nose was runnier), but he didn't "feel" sick. So he ran around, annoying everyone all day, and did not nap. Poor guy was exhausted by bedtime. I kind of was, too. I slept in his bed last night in order to monitor his cough and offer up water or a back rub as needed. I slept in 20-40 minute spurts from midnight to about 5am. After that, sleeping was more along the lines of 5-10 minute spurts until 7:40 or so, when he went into my room (where Ben was sleeping), and turned on his noisiest, most annoying toy.

While sleeping with him, I took the awesome quilt that my mom made for Christmas off the couch and brought it in (his covers are all too small for me). I still froze. The quilt, which would easily cover a queen sized bed, was much too big for a twin bed shared with 6 full sized pillows and an almost 3 year old. The quilt hung off the edge of the bed, and cold air kept finding its way to my back. Ugh. Ben joked that I should send it back to my mom with a note saying it was defective.

So anyway, tonight is supposed to be 10-15 degrees colder than it was last night. Bubba is still sick (and will probably need me in there, again). I'm thinking about talking Ben into letting me take our comforter off of our bed with me. Bubba would LOVE that idea. Here's a conversation he had with us in the middle of the night a week ago (or so):

Ben: [Bubba], you have to go sleep in your own bed like a big boy.
Bubba: I really like this blanket (it's our comforter, which is down w/ a really soft duvet cover on it).
Me: I like it, too. Let's go back to bed.
Bubba: I take this blanket to my bed?
Ben: No....you have to sleep in your bed with your nice blankets.
*at this point, I'm getting up to help Bubba back to bed, and he's stalling*
Bubba: Did you make this blanket? It's very nice...

What if everyday were today?

I put $820 on my credit card today. One might think I am able to pay rent on the card (I wish - that's a lot of miles over the course of a year!). No. Today was daycare payment day. Today was also the day I enrolled the kids in one more month of swim lessons (can you believe Bubba will be in big boy lessons?!). Today was also the day I made my monthly lawyer payment. Per an email I received last Friday, detailing our new billing rates, my monthly payment amount now covers about 2.5 hours of work per month. Yeah. 2.5 HOURS on a monthly payment. Good gracious. How do people afford divorce in this day and age?

Can I also tell you how much those billing rates have changed over the 18 months I've retained my lawyer? By over 11%. As my sister said, I wish I could get a raise just by emailing the people I work for. I really shouldn't complain, though. If it means the difference between winning and losing, I'll gladly pay it. So far, it's been worth every penny. I just wish we were done with it, now.

Can you believe Bubba was 18 months old when this all started? He'll be 3 in a few weeks, hence, the big boy swim lessons. I will no longer have to embarrass myself by donning a bathing suit in front of the world to accompany my boy to his swim lesson. I can now grab a book and get comfy in the bleacher area behind the fence. Of course, if Scooter's first few years of swim lessons is any indication, I'll more likely be gripping the edge of the bench seating while initernally freaking out for 30 minutes until I can rush out there and scoop the kids back to the dressing room. My boy never listens to a word I say! How is it possible that he'll listen to an 18 year old swimming instructor? Oh, man. His last month of mommy and me lessons hasn't even started, yet, and already, my heart is racing in dread of his next set of lessons.

But to bring it back to the original question: if everyday were today, I'd be broke.

1st born?

I really like reading those articles about birth order and what it means about your personality, or your job, or your salary. I'm #4, so I generally fall in the "last born" category. I'm a free thinker who either makes nothing or a lot. I'm easy going, but a bit self centered. In reality, I don't fit many of those (I'm self-centered. That's pretty much the only one that's spot on), but that doesn't stop me from being fascinated by it - and pointing out to my sisters when they fit the stereotype.

In that vein, I'm posting this photo. It's something my oldest created on the "alpha smart" at school. The alpha smart, by the way, is a fancy way of saying "word processor." Who knew they made those, anymore?!

In case you can't tell, "Teacher" is Scooter. The rules are geared toward Bubba, and their respective "offices" are Scooter-designated sides of the room.

I laugh, thinking, "what a first-born thing to do." And then I worry...when siblings are 5 or more years apart, they treat themselves as only children - who fall in the first born spectrum of kids.

What'd you say?

I decided that I need to start writing down all (or some) of the funny stuff my kids say. When Scooter was young, and in the thick of saying hilarious stuff, I thought that I'd remember it forever. I was wrong. I have a hard time remembering my lunch, much less the cute stuff my kids say. In that end, every so often, I'll blog about the funny stuff Bubba (or Scooter - although it happens less often with her, now) says. Today, I'll go in reverse chronological order.

Remember how I said yesterday that you might not be able to tell I've gained weight just by looking at me? Bubba cares to differ. On the way to preschool this morning he said this, "Mama...you're too big to fit inside Daddy's house."
Me: I am?
Bubba: Yes.
Bubba: It's ok. Mama and Daddy can still take care of [bubba].

Tonight, he reiterated how big I am. Apparently, I'm so big, my cars won't fit in his parking lot.

One night in Vancouver this past weekend, I was cuddling with Bubba in an attempt to get him to fall asleep.
Bubba (after much squirming): There's something in my nose!
Me: What is it?
Bubba: It's roast beef.

confessions of a bad blogger

1. I know my writing has kind of stunk, recently. I will offer the excuse that writing and editing in email is somehow not as inspiring as using the blog interface. Curses, work computer! Why don't you update my browser, already?!

2. Also, I don't have as much to write about? Either that, or I've been busier than I used to be. I'm not sure how that happened. I'll blame the holidays for part of my problem. Swim lessons (even though they've been on hiatus for 2 weeks, now), and me doing more of the cooking hasn't helped my near-constant state of frazzledom. Also, the boy has become much messier. And our apartment (seemingly) smaller.

3. I guess this is turning into more of a list of excuses than actual confessions. Sorry about that.

 

Want to hear a real confession?

 

I've been gaining weight lately. You may not be able to tell by looking at me, but I can tell by grabbing my gut. I used to just have back fat/love handles, but now, I have a marsupial pouch. Annoying. So, in honor of the new year and resolutions and all that, I guess I'll head back to the gym. It's about time I start training for the next tri, anyway. We watched part of the Ironman a few weeks ago, and again, I am motivated. I just wish it wasn't so much hard work. ha ha ha...*sigh*

 

...And now for my new list of excuses:

 

1. It was easier to hit the spin class when we were across the street from the gym. It's 2.5 blocks farther, now (one way).

2. It was easier when I had long hair (and I would wash it at night). When I'd get home shortly after 6:30, I could quickly get myself ready for the day and go. Nowadays, for speed, I wash and dry my hair in the morning, which doesn't take terribly long, but it does take a little more time.

3. It's hard enough to get the kids fed, Scooter's homework done, and the kids in bed in the evenings. By the time that's accomplished, I just don't feel like heading out into the dark and rain for a painful workout. In other words, I've become lazy.

4. Swim lessons are going to start again next Tuesday.

 

...And now for my plan of attack:

1. Skip spin class. It's time to get back into the pool. Spin is good for me - biking is my worst subject in "triathlete 101" - but I like swimming. And if I'm going to get motivated and serious about getting back into shape, it'll most likely happen doing something I love.

2. I can wake up 30 minutes earlier and still get in a good swim and also shower/do my hair as I normally do.

3. I can bike to the gym and home (sure, it's less than .75 miles round trip, but it's a start)

4. I can run in the mornings, too. That's a nice thing about running. You can do it as long as you have a pair of shoes and an alarm clock.

5. Once I'm on a regular routine in the mornings, I can think about the possibility of an evening spin class (although they tend to be WAY fuller ad harder to get into).

 

Ben's already taken care of the "eating" portion of diet and exercise. He's resolved to re-vamp his diet, which generally means there's only "good" food in our house.

 

And to complete the trifecta of good health, I am resolving to get more sleep (which would mean basically going to bed when the kids do). Ben usually works on his photography after the kids are in bed, and I usually mess around on the computer and watch TV. I think in order to support waking up earlier, I need to work on getting to get earlier, too. No more junk TV. Let's work on my mind as well as my body. More blogging! Less TV! More photos of the kids! Less facebook!

 

...Ah...I feel better already. I hope I don't go insane over this. I'll keep you posted.