Dreams

I've been having a lot of dreams lately.  Court dreams, lawyer dreams, and an occasional sister dream mixed in.  Last night I had a dream that we were at our 2nd day of trial.  The judge had been replaced by a TV personality judge who knew nothing about the case, refused to really listen to any background about the case, and kept making snarky comments as if she knew about what was going on and was teaching me a life lesson. It was bizarre.  And then the regular judge walked in wearing jeans and some sort of rugged, outdoor shirt on, like he'd just gotten done with an LL Bean photo shoot, and called an end to the whole thing.  Like...we were done, but we weren't really done.  My lawyer, the other lawyer, and everyone in the court room just kind of stared at the judge, waiting for a verdict, or a declaration of what was going to happen next or SOMETHING, but nothing.  We all stood there, staring at each other. 

Cut to the sister dream.  You know...the sister dream where one of your sisters suddenly hates you for no reason.  And in your dream, you had just done something really nice for them, but they hadn't gotten it yet, or noticed it yet, or whatever, and the "truth" comes out that they actually hate you.  So you feel badly about that, and you feel angry that you had done that nice thing, but it's too late to undo the nice thing, and then the sister really does notice it, but she still hates you anyway.  I don't like those dreams.  But I can't stop myself from having them. 

Maybe I should do something nice for one of my sisters in real life, just in case.  Maybe it's too late.

Good Riddance

Some of you may have noticed that we still haven't sent out Christmas cards or letters this year.  We may not. Certainly, we are in good health and overall, we've had a year, but man, I for one am glad that this one is almost over.  January started out with a bang when we took Bubba to the emergency room on January 1st.  At his follow up appointment with the pediatrician later that week, he was admitted to the hospital for a few days.  They stuck an IV into his head, and he had to wear a rubber cap over it to protect the IV site.  He also wore socks on his hands for a while to control his constant tugging on the IV line.  Yuck.  It was a sad and scary time, and even though he had a fever, he was cold because of all the fluids he was getting.

That was followed by us pulling Bubba (he says "bubba" now, by the way) out of daycare and a difficult search for a nanny.  It seemed as if the year really never got much better, and if you're reading this, you have at least a passing familiarity with the saga that we're currently embroiled in.  Sure, it won't actually conclude in 2010 (thanks to a certain attorney who will remain annonymous), but I'm counting on that ending in early 2011.  In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if our troubles were at all associated with the year of the Tiger (Chinese horoscope), and I'm hoping that the Rabbit will be kinder to our family. 

Maybe I'm being too harsh on 2010.  We did have a spectacular hike on the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu and a wonderful time in Peru (followed by an OK time in Ecuador).  Scooter learned to climb trees and ride bikes.  We spent a really fun weekend with my sisters and their families in Saint Louis.  I got a new job that's really fantastic and fun and challenging (which I may have to leave, depending on the outcome of our current situation).  There I go again, Debbie Downer.  Wah-wah-wah-wah....

Is it the Wide World of Sports or the Wild World of Sports?

Either way, I suppose.

Scooter's still here.  Bubba's still here.  Ben's still here.  I'm at work.  Last day before the holidays.  Ben and I both worked from home on Tuesday and Wednesday (working from home is nice).  Ben kind of has to, since that's what he does, but I have a pretty flexible schedule and boss.  We kept Bubba home from daycare, which made working from home a little more difficult, but it also gave the kids some time to hang out together.  Yesterday on my lunch break, I took the kids down to the wetlands park to feed the ducks.  It was a blast.  After we ran out of bread, Bubba took off running into the neighborhood up there (where we've looked at houses).  I assumed he was planning on doing some door-knocking for bread.  After work, we went swimming in the pool at the apartment complex.  The water was warm, but the room was not.  I wonder if something was broken?  It didn't seem that cold the last time Bubba and I went...

I got a pair of rain boots for Christmas.  I realized I needed them about a month and a half ago when it started raining here.  And everyday (it seems) since then, I've thought about them on my walk to and from work.  I wore them today.  It was a little weird, as there was no rain.  It was in the 40s, no wind, etc.  It was actually a very beautiful walk into work.  So beautiful, in fact, that the puddles that I've been dodging for almost 2 months were dried up.  There was not one reason for me to be wearing rain boots this morning, but I didn't care.  They are awesome.

Ben has the day off, so he and the kids are planning on going to the children's museum and then meeting me for lunch.  I bet they have fun.  Bubba has been there before, so I'm sure he'll show them all the good stuff (ie, the digger room and then the ambulance.  they'll spend 3 hours in those 2 places...)  I hope Scooter doesn't get bored with the "baby" stuff...

I'm finally figuring some stuff out at work, and after today, I'm off for Christmas.  We're in for a busy few days until Scooter has to go back to Omaha. I'm kind of secretly hoping for a freak snow storm that'll close the airport for a few more weeks...

OMSI

Scooter and Ben made a short video while we were at OMSI.  There was a station where you could make a stop-motion video with shapes (very few).  In their video, the large green shape (a school bus?) is eating the smaller shapes.  And then Scooter has a short silent movie meets Peter Gabriel moment.  They didn't have a lot of time, but I'm so proud of my artistic daughter and husband!  Check it out! 

Bubba also had a fun time turning a steering wheel which would spin a fan above the little children's area...

And in true Scooter fashion, she wanted to stick her head through the astronaut to have her photo taken...

It was a fun day at the museum.

And then there were 4

Scooter flew into town yesterday with Ben's parents.  They were so kind and flexible to help us book flights at such a short notice and accompany Scooter out here for her visit.  They were planning on driving, but with the winter weather in the Cascades (and because I'm pushy and wanted to spend as much time as possible with Scooter) decided to fly out with her instead.  Come to think of it, it's mostly because I'm pushy.  But if there's one thing that the past few months have taught me, it's to ask for what you want.  Otherwise, you get eggs and cooked spinach.

Scooter et. al. flew in at about 10:30.  On our drive to the airport, we spotted Mt. St.Helens and Mt. Hood.  It was a clear, beautiful day.  By the time bags were retrieved and suitcases un-consolidated, it was about 11:30.  We whizzed Scooter off into the big city.  First stop was supposed to be Voodoo Doughnut (a Portland establishment).  The line went to the corner of Ankeny and 3rd Ave, and after waiting a good 10-15 minutes, hadn't moved.  So we decided to set our sites on lunch instead.  We ducked into what looked like a dive bar.  The website is much, MUCH fancier than what it really is (Here).  But the food was divine.  I had what could arguably be the best seafood chowder out there.  It was the smoked salmon chowder.  It was a pretty pink color, which was a little off-putting, but oh.  It was SO GOOD.  After lunch, the line at Voodoo was even longer.  We hopped on the train then trolley to head up to the aerial tram.  It was closed.

We hopped back on the trolley to go to our car, where we drove to OMSI (Here), which is the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry.  It is huge, and interesting, and even though we spent a few hours there, we didn't see everything.  Scooter was tired, we were tired, and Bubba was falling-down tired.  We had to go home.  It snowed on our way home!  We ate out of the back of a taco truck for dinner, and pretty much settled in for the evening. 

I'm so-so-so excited to have Scooter out here.  It's nice to finally have everyone here, and I swear, Bubba has 10 new words since his sister got here yesterday.  This week will be exciting, and will probably go by too fast.

Full speed ahead!

It's been sunny in Portland since I got back into town on Tuesday.  It's supposed to start raining tonight and continue raining until the forecast runs out, but it was nice to have almost a week of sun.  My coworkers refer to these days as a "sun break."  I quite like them.  High 40s, low 50s, sunny, brisk.  It sure beats the blizzard we went through in Omaha last Saturday.  And it helps gear up for 10 solid days of rain. 

We're finalizing plans for Scooter to come out this weekend.  She'll be here Sunday (the 19th), and she'll stay until the following Monday, the 27th.  I can't wait!  She's never been out here, so now is her chance to kind of explore a little.  It's too bad it'll be raining the whole time, but I'm sure OMSI, the Children's Museum and a quick trip up to Seatle will keep us dry. 

I missed my train this morning.  Actually, there are 2 that I usually take.  If I miss the first one, I can usually catch the next one 4 minutes later.  I missed that one, too.  And maybe even the next one.  Luckily, they just keep coming in the mornings.  While I waited, I found 2 pennies.  I was hoping for a lucky 3, but I'll be content with 2.  That means I've been here 96 days (counting all the days I've been back in Omaha and in Wisconsin), and I'm up to $1.04.  I'm starting to doubt whether I can keep this up for as long as I'll live here.  It'd be great to be up to 1000 pennies 3 years from now, but I really don't think Portland can sustain this type of generosity.  Afterall, the unemployment rate here is one of the highest in the nation...

One more piece

Ben flew out here yesterday.  We tossed around the idea of him taking the train back to the apartment, but decided against it.  He was flying in 20 minutes before the last train of the night, and he had a checked bag.  After a 4+ hour lay over in Las Vegas, he called because his flight was delayed by almost an hour.  I fell asleep.  When I awoke, I had mere moments to get out of the house to go pick him up.  I took the world's fastest shower, grabbed the boy, and took off into the night.

Ben called while I was driving.  No worries, I was almost across the bridge.  And that's when tragedy struck.  Not really.  Nobody died or anything, but while I was on the phone with Ben, I took the wrong turn on the 405 bridge.  You need to understand this behemoth in order to really grasp what I did.  You see it's 2 layers, the top carries westbound 30 and southbound 405 traffic, the bottom carries the opposite.  Ok, not a big deal.  Except there are 4 off-shoots that you can take in either direction.  I-5, I-405, OR-30, etc.  It gets confusing.  The fastest way to the airport is I-5 to Lombard, which is also OR-30 bypass.  So....I took the OR-30 exit from the bridge.  WRONG.  I know.  But just look at the NE end of the bridge.  It's a big ol' mess!


View Larger Map


I ended up turning a 25-30 minute drive into a 50 minute drive.  I was tired and out of it and lost in Portland.  On a happy note, I was able to drive by OMSI.  So...I could potentially get back there on my own again (if I'm 1/2 asleep and get kind of lost).  Poor Ben was exhausted but such a good sport.  The way home was not as eventful (save for me forgetting where the entrance to the interstate was).  We got home late, and I went from sharing a bed with 30 pounds of man to 230 pounds of man.  So happy to have Ben here, but it makes it painfully obvious that we're still missing a piece...

Criminals have a right to a speedy trial; mothers do not

My mom referred to my blog today as an epistle.  It made me smile.  Even if one of the technical definitions of espistle is a communication to a person or specific audience, generally, terms like that are biblical in nature.  At the very least, I would use it in reference to a somewhat poetic letter.  My blogs are just kind of my way of a brain dump/stress unloader.  I would liken it to a cement truck.  I just dump out whatever's churning around in there, and once it's out here, it kind of solidifies into a concrete mass.  I'm aiming to make a pretty street or sidewalk, but often times, it's just this hardened lump, blocking your path. 

Anyway, I'm getting over my disappointment/despair/shock/etc of Monday.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still randomly crying throughout the day for no reason.  But over all, I feel better about things.  It could have been worse.  Our Feb 7th trial date, which should have been taken off the docket, and therefore filled up again with other stuff, was still listed for us.  You see, if they had taken our trial off the docket for that date, a bunch of criminals would have taken the date because criminals have a right to a speedy trial.  Families have no such right.  We just have luck, I guess.  So anyway, with my mom's biblical booster in mind, I'll think about this today:

"Love is patient.  Love is kind.  Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant"  --1 Corinthians 13:4

"Mother is love" --Precious Moments writers

worst possible outcome

I may not be a crazy-planner type of person, but I do like to know what's going on in my own life.  Yesterday, I was a "star" witness in a trial.  I kept saying to myself that it was just like a job interview.  Except the stakes were much, much higher.  I'm not sure it really helped with the nerves.  The trial was scheduled for a whole day.  On Friday night, the opposing party dropped a bomb on us, which ended up delaying the start of our case on Monday morning.  ok, fine.  We can still do this.  In fact, when we broke for lunch, we were still on pace to do it.  Except after we go, they go, and they go slow.  Painfully slow.  Comically slow.  Embarrassingly slow.  And in the end, the worst thing that could have happened did happen - we didn't finish.  I was prepared for a win or a loss that day.  I was prepared to not know the outcome for a couple of weeks while the judge made an informed decision.  I was not prepared to have to wait 7 more weeks to finish a 1 day trial, and then wait a few more weeks while the judge makes a decision.

It hurt.  It really hurt.  After sitting on the stand for nearly 5 hours, it became clear that we weren't going to finish.  I broke down and cried for the whole afternoon recess - about 10 minutes.  After that, I had to get back on the stand to wait for more questions from the opposing party.  Just knowing that we couldn't finish yesterday nearly broke my spirit.  It is almost as bad as a loss.  At least with a loss, I can start moving forward with my life and trying to nail down a job in Omaha.  At this point, I'm in such limbo.  My whole family is. 

We did so much work to finish our case by Dec 13th.  They stalled, and now, since they're defense and go 2nd, have 7 more weeks to shore up their case.  It just seems at every turn, we're doing the right thing, but getting the wrong result.  They're doing the wrong thing and it feels like they're winning.  I don't understand.  And now, since the judge allowed them to enter their motion for custody, and since they currently have temporary custody, it gives their case that much more weight.  Like, it'd be a bigger disruption at this point to pull her out of that house and bring her back home to her own family.  What is going on?  In what world is this OK?  In what world does it make more sense to reward bad behavior?  And not just once, but over and over again?  Something is broken, and it's not just my spirit.

Don't slip

Yesterday was an interesting day.  For the first time in my life, I had my deposition taken.  I'll be honest.  It was pretty awful.  Hopefully, I don't fall apart on the stand on Monday.  Only time will tell, I guess.  My sister told me to get out my man-panties and pretend that I'm my other sister:  the emotionless robot who won't let other people get to her.  No guarantees, but I'll certainly try. 

I also got to listen to another deposition be taken.  It was interesting, in a C-SPAN w/o video sort of way.  I will admit that after the experiences of the last few months, I have come to the conclusion that I could be a lawyer.  And if I were a lawyer, I'd do a % of my cases pro bono.  Because this sh!t's expensive.  Excuse my language. 

To cheer me up today, my sister (the one who gave me the pep talk) sent me a little instructional .pdf on how to walk safely in the winter time.  I can't seem to get it to upload, so I'll copy and paste it.  Here: 

How to Walk on Ice
By Xxxx Xxxxxxxxxxx, Xxxxxxx Xxxxxxxxx Loss Prevention

Thousands of people die each year from falls. Many of them happen during the winter when snow and ice cover walkways and make getting around hazardous. Snow and ice buildup is a hazard we all live with. Taking some simple precautions will make walking on ice easier and less dangerous.

At the end of the day, the goal is to have everyone leave and go home in the same condition that they arrived in the morning. The following short steps can help us all accomplish this goal.

Instructions

                        Wear boots or sturdy shoes with non-skid soles. Don't try walking on ice in shoes that have no traction. Do not wear leather soled shoes, high heels or shoes that do not have rubber soled bottoms.

                        Take your time. Getting in a hurry increases your chances of a fall because you're not paying attention. Don’t take shortcuts. Stay on areas that have been cleared, salted and maintained.

                        Pay attentive to ice that can be covered with snow. When you think you're in the clear you could still hit a patch and fall.

                        Balance yourself with your arms. Get your hands out of your pockets and distribute the weight of packages evenly to give you better balance. Use luggage with rollers whenever possible.

                        Take short shuffling steps and avoid an erect posture. Walk as flat footed as possible.

                        Get help from someone who is wearing appropriate shoes or is more confident than you. Never be ashamed to ask for someone's arm to help you across a patch of ice.

Tips & Warnings

                        Get snow cleared away from walkways and driveways as soon as possible. Melting and refreezing of layered snow can cause heavy patches of ice.

                        Notify school if there are dangerous areas that need to be addressed with salt, sand, shoveling etc.

                        If you feel yourself beginning to fall try to relax and roll as much as possible. This will help lesson the impact and may keep you from breaking a bone. Protect your head if at all possible by trying to keep it up and away from impact with the ice.

Some of the notable tips were to relax and roll around while keeping your head up and off the concrete if you do find yourself falling, find someone more confident than yourself to hold onto, and avoiding an erect posture.  Really?  Also, "Getting in a hurry increases your chance of a fall..."  How about "BEING in a hurry.  Or HURRYING.  I'm not sure I've ever "gotten" into a hurry, but that might just be me.

I guess I'm going to have to crawl, then...

This is for all of you who think I'm a mean mom (which I'll admit that I am, but good kids have mean moms).  Anyway, my very own mother volunteered to watch 3 of my nephews while their parents went out of town 2 weeks ago.  They had gone for a walk, and were about 3 blocks from the house when the 3 (almost 4) year old announced that he couldn't walk any farther.  My mother stated that she couldn't carry him.  He countered with the "fact" that he couldn't walk.  This may have gone back and forth a few more times, but the end result was that my mom (his GRANDMOTHER) told him, "Well then you're going to have to crawl because I'm not going to carry you."  Wow, mom.  That's harsh.  But you know what?  That little guy walked the rest of the way home (if only to save his developing knee caps). 

I'm kind of in need of a mean mom (or grandma) to tell me to either walk or crawl because I'm kind of stuck in a slump.  I've tried being my own mean mom, but I'm not very good at it.  In fact, I'm beginning to think that I'm losing my mean momminess in general.  I let Bubba sleep with me everynight.  I will let him have snacks even if he doesn't eat anything at meal times.  I've even slacked (a little) on Scooter's baby-talk problem.  I need a little kick in the pants to get myself back in gear, both for my kids and for myself. 

So if you see me in the street or catch me on the phone, get strict with me.  You can even try to be inspriational about it.  I read something recently that said, "if we all put our troubles in a pile to split among us, we'd all want our own back" or something like that.  And I suppose it's true.  Once it's your trouble, you've already started down the path of coping.  And I can do this.  I'll just pretend it's easy.

Hunker down, honey!

I noticed these signs the first week I worked here.  I've been meaning to write about them, but I can't really decide from which angle to attack.  I guess I'll start out with some generalization about the signs here, and then hone in on one in particular...

There are signs everywhere.  (and yes, now I'm singing "Signs" silently to myself).  There are signs telling us what the codes are (pink is the only one I can ever remember - child/infant abduction).  There are signs telling us about our company core values.  There are signs (and hand sanitizer stations) reminding us to wash our hands.  And then there are these signs.  They're just regular pieces of red-colored paper with text (not even 1 picture!)...and they're about in-place sheltering in case of disaster or really bad weather. 

That's right.  Every time I use the stairs, I am forced to ask myself the question, "if I have to in-place shelter at work, am I prepared?"  No.  I'm not.  I don't have duct tape and plastic sheeting in a desk drawer.  I don't have a gallon of water per day stored in the corner.  I don't have dry or canned foods with a can opener.  No dust mask or first aid kit or flashlight with extra batteries.  Heck, I don't even have a book or crossword puzzle to pass the time.  I am sooo not prepared to stay here longer than 8 hours a day, 5 days a week...

But if 33 Chileans can use mining equipment as workout equipment, maybe I can scrounge up enough office supplies to play a few games of tic tac toe.  Plus, my cube is right next to the break room.  All the bottled water I can drink!  I'll defend it with my tiny pocket knife and create a fort out of the empties.  I can raid the fridge and eat everyone else's lunch food.  On second thought, maybe the next time I see a snowflake in the sky, I'll declare the need to in-place shelter, and not leave here for a few days.  Sure, it might be a little unconventional, but we need to think of personal and community safety, here...

Certifiable

When we last left off, I had just taken my 2nd certification exam.  Epic received the completed test via FedEx on Monday, and 3 hours later, I had my result:  PASS!  I missed .5 points more than my first test, but it's still a respectable 94%. 

Fancily enough, today I got my certificate saying I am certified in my first data model.  So...it takes about 2 weeks from the grade posting until you actually get the certificate in the mail.  Expect me to be hanging something in my cube on the 14th, when I get back from Omaha.  Oh, wait...the 15th, when I get back into the office after working from home after getting back from Omaha.  Whew.

A lot has happened on the private front of my life ***insert happy, worried, angry, unemotional, accomodating face here***  which I won't really get into other than to say my stomach is doing flips as I type this.