passion?

I used to be a little "hot headed" at work. Not to the point where it was altogether detrimental to my career, I don't think. But I've never really had a problem speaking my mind. Actually, maybe it was a problem. If it was in my mind, chances were, it was coming out of my mouth, unfiltered. So maybe I was lacking in "tact." In my defense, the company for which I worked was owned by a tall white guy. The "executive leadership" consisted of 3 tall white guys. If you incorporate the manager levels (when I was still at that level), you were looking at 4 tall white guys, and me; later, 4 tall white guys, a couple of mid-sized white guys, one white girl and me. In other words, the leadership in that company was rather homogenous. So have I been told to shut up and toe the company line? Yes. Yes I have.

Fast forward to the past year. I'm in a new career in a much larger company (I went from 48 employees to 10,000). Suddenly, I have a reputation of being quiet and "steady." Like...nothing really ruffles my feathers. I do excellent work. I have a great rapport with my customers (I like to call them users). I'm a trusted advocate. What has changed? I mean, other than the job and the company? I can give you a few theories.

First off, work-wise, I'm MUCH less stressed. I no longer feel like the success or failure of a business component rests on my shoulders. I used to have that feeling every waking moment of my life - even after any financial incentive for success was taken away. Even after managerial control of the program was taken away. Because, honestly, you never really lose that feeling when you create something. I think more importantly, though, is that I now realize that work is work. It's not life and death (even though now that I work in healthcare it IS more life and death than most other jobs). In other words, this past year has kind of taught me what really is important, and for me, it's my family. So when given the opportunity, I will go volunteer in my daughter's classroom. And if the boy is feeling under the weather, I will stay home with him. And the office politics of who is assigned what and how will just roll off my back. Who cares if you have 50 requests outstanding, and I only have 30 (or the other way around). Will we end up doing an unequal amount of work? Or as we have requests closed out will others always be there to replace them? Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? No. Not really.