Dear <your name here>,
I have been a poor <enter relationship here> for a while, now. Several months, in fact. I know it. It was hard to realize at first, with my being so wrapped up in my own drama business. But as the months have dragged on, it has become clearer and clearer to me that I am lacking in empathy (even more so that normal) and all of those things associated with being a good <friend, sister, daughter, wife, mother, etc>.
I really appreciate all of your understanding, strength and wisdom. And even as I neglect my part of the bargain, I do know how blessed I am to have you in my life. Where would I be without the support of my friends and family? Well, without some of you, I'd be bankrupt and homeless (possibly jobless?) in Omaha. Without others, I'd still be crying.
Although I'm still as stressed as ever, at least I have now become self-aware enough to realize what a crappy friend I've been back. Please continue to be patient with me, but I do pledge to turn a corner on this bad behavior and become the friend I should have been all along.
With love,
Lori
Monday, April 11, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Broke.
Not only are we broke, but our beloved TV broke as well. Ben thinks it's a thermal fuse, which can be fixed for around $20.00. Either that, or a lamp, which would be closer to $100. Either way, much cheaper than an actual new TV. In the meantime, we've been reading a lot of books and watching movies from the library on the laptop. yay for the library!
Even though we're totally broke - like, poorer than I've been in a long, long time, we got pre-approved for a home loan last night. I really don't understand why a bank would offer to give us money right now, but I'll take it! We'll be looking at 2 or 3 houses this weekend. Yay! Unfortunately, none of the houses we're looking at have everything we need. Boo! But they're getting close. The house we looked at a few weeks ago and *kind of* liked has a sale pending on it, now. I knew it wouldn't last. It's a good house in the best neighborhood in the world. Ok, maybe not the world, but it's perfect for our needs. I keep hoping I'll see another house in that neighborhood pop up for sale. We're starting to lean toward moving to a bigger apartment for another year, but low interest rates now keep us circling back to buying a home with no money in our pockets at the moment.
We're tossing around the idea of buying into an organic food coop thing. We pay xx dollars, and they deliver fresh vegatables for 30 weeks of the year. It'll hopefully force us to eat a few more veggies than we currently do, and it's all organic. It's not taking long for us to turn the corner into full-on west coast hippies.
Even though we're totally broke - like, poorer than I've been in a long, long time, we got pre-approved for a home loan last night. I really don't understand why a bank would offer to give us money right now, but I'll take it! We'll be looking at 2 or 3 houses this weekend. Yay! Unfortunately, none of the houses we're looking at have everything we need. Boo! But they're getting close. The house we looked at a few weeks ago and *kind of* liked has a sale pending on it, now. I knew it wouldn't last. It's a good house in the best neighborhood in the world. Ok, maybe not the world, but it's perfect for our needs. I keep hoping I'll see another house in that neighborhood pop up for sale. We're starting to lean toward moving to a bigger apartment for another year, but low interest rates now keep us circling back to buying a home with no money in our pockets at the moment.
We're tossing around the idea of buying into an organic food coop thing. We pay xx dollars, and they deliver fresh vegatables for 30 weeks of the year. It'll hopefully force us to eat a few more veggies than we currently do, and it's all organic. It's not taking long for us to turn the corner into full-on west coast hippies.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
It's a mystery.
Scooter called yesterday super early - like 6:20 her time, and she sounded really depressed. Such a hard conversation. She did perk up a little towards the end. She said that she was going to go to bed super early (between 7 and 7:30 her time), so I told her to call me back before bed. I tell her that a lot, but she rarely does it. I called her back a couple of times between 7 and 7:30 her time, and finally got a hold of her as Bubba and I were going to the store. She sounded much better. She just had a rough evening earlier. It was good to talk to her, but as always, kind of sad. I always tell her about what we did that day or what we were doing when she called, and it usually elicits some wistful response. For example, last night, Bubba got excited when we passed by some mylar balloons. She asked me to describe them. I did, and when I got to the colors on the butterfly's wings, she exclaimed, 'well you know that's my favorite color, mom!' It breaks my heart to picture her sitting in her room, imagining being in a store with me, especially when I know she hates running errands.
We picked up some "2 bite cupcakes" for Ben's birthday. Delicious.
This morning, I got an email from the Epic exam proctor at work. My certification mug has arrived! The only weird thing is that I got my second certification in November. Maybe they wait to create each individual mug until after the certification is done. And it takes a few months to fire up the kiln. My coworkers will be relieved when I start using it. I've been using a WebMD mug, which has caused some confusion. My husband works, in some fashion, for WebMD, but he's a remote employee based out of Omaha, reporting to New York. There's a WebMD office in Portland, though, so everyone just assumes that he knows so-and-so. He doesn't. I don't want that conversation starter, anymore. I'll stick with "yeah...I'm certified, now. See. I have the mug." and be done with it.
When I got here, I thought the certification mug was a joke. I figured everyone just purchased a mug from the Epic shop when they went there for training. Because you can buy the same one for about $8.00. It would save my employer about $9,992.00 per certified employee to go that route. Maybe I should bring up my suggestion in a cost-savings meeting sometime...
We picked up some "2 bite cupcakes" for Ben's birthday. Delicious.
This morning, I got an email from the Epic exam proctor at work. My certification mug has arrived! The only weird thing is that I got my second certification in November. Maybe they wait to create each individual mug until after the certification is done. And it takes a few months to fire up the kiln. My coworkers will be relieved when I start using it. I've been using a WebMD mug, which has caused some confusion. My husband works, in some fashion, for WebMD, but he's a remote employee based out of Omaha, reporting to New York. There's a WebMD office in Portland, though, so everyone just assumes that he knows so-and-so. He doesn't. I don't want that conversation starter, anymore. I'll stick with "yeah...I'm certified, now. See. I have the mug." and be done with it.
When I got here, I thought the certification mug was a joke. I figured everyone just purchased a mug from the Epic shop when they went there for training. Because you can buy the same one for about $8.00. It would save my employer about $9,992.00 per certified employee to go that route. Maybe I should bring up my suggestion in a cost-savings meeting sometime...
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Come on, man!
I just updated a few friends on the status of what's going down in Omaha, and it has made me feel completely despaired, angry, and frustrated. So instead of re-hashing that nonsense anymore, I'll focus on the best thing of the week. Today is my husband's birthday.
I'm so excited and happy about it. He thinks it's because he's older than me, now, and I somehow derive great pleasure from that prospect, but in reality, it's much more complicated than that. When we met, we were just getting out of our 20s. He mentioned to me that he'd be OK in his 30s, but he thought that his 40s would be his best years. Well...we're still stuck in the 30s, but so far, I think he's pretty great, and each year that goes by, I'm reminded of that statement he made in passing. I see in him anticipation for the future, but also a lot of terrific memories of the past. I can't wait to wake up one morning and say, "happy birthday" to my 80 year old husband because I know that by then, we'll have made more memories than we'll be able to remember.
In honor of Ben's birthday, I worked extra super hard at spin class. Ben's a biker. I am not so much. I've been taking spin classes (trying for M-W-F, but generally only hitting twice a week) in the mornings for a while now to force myself into becoming a better biker. Some mornings, I'm certain it's not working. Today, though, I was sure Ben would be proud. I don't have a lot (or anything, really) planned for his big day. I'm not even sure what his plans are. But I know that thinking about his birthday will put a smile on my face today. Because that means I've been blessed to know this wonderful man for another year, and it's the start of something more exciting in the next.
I'm so excited and happy about it. He thinks it's because he's older than me, now, and I somehow derive great pleasure from that prospect, but in reality, it's much more complicated than that. When we met, we were just getting out of our 20s. He mentioned to me that he'd be OK in his 30s, but he thought that his 40s would be his best years. Well...we're still stuck in the 30s, but so far, I think he's pretty great, and each year that goes by, I'm reminded of that statement he made in passing. I see in him anticipation for the future, but also a lot of terrific memories of the past. I can't wait to wake up one morning and say, "happy birthday" to my 80 year old husband because I know that by then, we'll have made more memories than we'll be able to remember.
In honor of Ben's birthday, I worked extra super hard at spin class. Ben's a biker. I am not so much. I've been taking spin classes (trying for M-W-F, but generally only hitting twice a week) in the mornings for a while now to force myself into becoming a better biker. Some mornings, I'm certain it's not working. Today, though, I was sure Ben would be proud. I don't have a lot (or anything, really) planned for his big day. I'm not even sure what his plans are. But I know that thinking about his birthday will put a smile on my face today. Because that means I've been blessed to know this wonderful man for another year, and it's the start of something more exciting in the next.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Hanging Tough
I've decided to make today an "inspirational" quote day. It's that kind of day for me. I'm in need of some inspiration - or more, perhaps, some encouragement and confirmation that I am doing the right thing. So...today's quotes are all about battles and/or patience. I'm in dire need of some patience, and I need some perspective on the battle at hand.
We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.
--Helen Keller
(Then again, we'd never NEED to learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world...)
You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.
--Margaret Thatcher
There will be a time when loud-mouthed, incompetent people seem to be getting the best of you. When that Happens, you only have to be patient and wait for them to self destruct. It never fails.
--Richard Rybolt
Thus it is that in war the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory.
--Sun Tzu
(Hopefully, I've been a good strategist. It seems like someone --not me-- is currently looking for their victory.)
Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.
--John Quincy Adams
(the problem with all this patience talk is that in order to see its effects, time has to pass. So far, the seasons have changed a few times, and the same difficulties and obstacles are still there.)
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
Margaret Thatcher
(I know. I totally over-loaded this thing with Margaret Thatcher today. But it turns out, she's fairly wise when it comes to my life today.)
And there you have it. Now's the time for patience. I guess it's been a time for patience for months. Now may be the time for renewed patience. And for the belief that we can do this. We did prepare. We prepared for 4 months. We are still preparing. And it might not be this week, and we may have to do this again in the future. But we can be patient, and we will persevere.
We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.
--Helen Keller
(Then again, we'd never NEED to learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world...)
You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.
--Margaret Thatcher
There will be a time when loud-mouthed, incompetent people seem to be getting the best of you. When that Happens, you only have to be patient and wait for them to self destruct. It never fails.
--Richard Rybolt
Thus it is that in war the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory.
--Sun Tzu
(Hopefully, I've been a good strategist. It seems like someone --not me-- is currently looking for their victory.)
Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.
--John Quincy Adams
(the problem with all this patience talk is that in order to see its effects, time has to pass. So far, the seasons have changed a few times, and the same difficulties and obstacles are still there.)
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
Margaret Thatcher
(I know. I totally over-loaded this thing with Margaret Thatcher today. But it turns out, she's fairly wise when it comes to my life today.)
And there you have it. Now's the time for patience. I guess it's been a time for patience for months. Now may be the time for renewed patience. And for the belief that we can do this. We did prepare. We prepared for 4 months. We are still preparing. And it might not be this week, and we may have to do this again in the future. But we can be patient, and we will persevere.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Well, there's bad news and worse news...
Telephonic hearing was this afternoon. My lawyer showed up in person. The other lawyer was (amazingly) present via telephone today. Except, she wasn't exactly prepared...so...there'll be another hearing on Friday. For real. No joke.
There's other *awesome* news, but I'll save it for my real journal.
Needless to say, while I understand the court "feels badly" about separating a child from one parent in order to let her live with another and will therefore bend over backwards (and force one parent to bend over as well) for the losing party, it seems like the court had no problem going the other way in the temporary custody order. I guess I need to keep it in perspective, which is hard to do from the trenches.
But I'll keep going.
There's other *awesome* news, but I'll save it for my real journal.
Needless to say, while I understand the court "feels badly" about separating a child from one parent in order to let her live with another and will therefore bend over backwards (and force one parent to bend over as well) for the losing party, it seems like the court had no problem going the other way in the temporary custody order. I guess I need to keep it in perspective, which is hard to do from the trenches.
But I'll keep going.
1 down, ?? to go...
It's been a week since I took Scooter back to her dad's. She now has a cough (spring allergy season), and had to use her inhaler at soccer on Friday. Yay for Omaha allergies. Boo for not being able to just stay in Portland to avoid that nonsense. I have it on good authority that her dad does not have a nebulizer at his house (even though one was prescribed...it seems when they realized the cost, they just left it at Walgreens rather than get it). Hopefully, Scooter can survive the next few weeks without hospitalization until she can come out here. Ridiculous.
This weekend was pretty fun. Saturday we drove around Portland. Ben took photos while Bubba and I played and sang songs. It was sunny, but colder than it has been. We stopped for lunch at a food cart. There aren't as many open on the weekends, but we got brats from a very authentic-sounding brat cart. The proprietor had a German accent and he played a cassette-deck with oompah music while he cooked. Cheery!
After that, we had lots of errands to run, which we did with glee. I got my library card, and I also got a membership to REI. We've always used Ben's, but they were having a deal on that kind of stuff, so I signed up, too. My wallet is beginning to look like Costanza's. Not really, but it seems like it to me.
We skyped with Ben's parents and Scooter. She seemed to have some selective hearing on that skype, but it was really nice to see her. Scooter had a good time making Easter cookies and playing games. We ended up taking LATE naps - like 5pm. Bubba and I fell asleep in Scooter's bed, and when I woke up after 10pm, we decided maybe we should just go to bed. Bubba slept until 6:30 the next morning.
Sunday was another lazy day, work out-wise. I didn't go to the gym. No swimming this week. We rode the train downtown to Ben's movie theatre, and the Bubba and I walked around a little before taking the train back. Bubba had a normal nap on Sunday, and we kind of spent the day around the apartment before going to bed early.
I finished Death in the Afternoon last week, so I checked out a David Sedaris book from the library on Saturday. His books are good for the train ride because they're funny, and the chapters are short. I can finish one (or two) on the ride and have a good stopping place when I get to my stop. The problem with reading good writers is that it makes me realize how mundane my writing is. Again...I'll try to spruce this stuff up a bit.
Today is another hearing to clarify stuff in the judge's order. It was supposed to kick off at 4pm central time. I haven't heard from my lawyer, yet, which means that it's actually happening right now. Hopefully, something will go our way. My stomach is in knots. I'm ready for this to be done.
This weekend was pretty fun. Saturday we drove around Portland. Ben took photos while Bubba and I played and sang songs. It was sunny, but colder than it has been. We stopped for lunch at a food cart. There aren't as many open on the weekends, but we got brats from a very authentic-sounding brat cart. The proprietor had a German accent and he played a cassette-deck with oompah music while he cooked. Cheery!
After that, we had lots of errands to run, which we did with glee. I got my library card, and I also got a membership to REI. We've always used Ben's, but they were having a deal on that kind of stuff, so I signed up, too. My wallet is beginning to look like Costanza's. Not really, but it seems like it to me.
We skyped with Ben's parents and Scooter. She seemed to have some selective hearing on that skype, but it was really nice to see her. Scooter had a good time making Easter cookies and playing games. We ended up taking LATE naps - like 5pm. Bubba and I fell asleep in Scooter's bed, and when I woke up after 10pm, we decided maybe we should just go to bed. Bubba slept until 6:30 the next morning.
Sunday was another lazy day, work out-wise. I didn't go to the gym. No swimming this week. We rode the train downtown to Ben's movie theatre, and the Bubba and I walked around a little before taking the train back. Bubba had a normal nap on Sunday, and we kind of spent the day around the apartment before going to bed early.
I finished Death in the Afternoon last week, so I checked out a David Sedaris book from the library on Saturday. His books are good for the train ride because they're funny, and the chapters are short. I can finish one (or two) on the ride and have a good stopping place when I get to my stop. The problem with reading good writers is that it makes me realize how mundane my writing is. Again...I'll try to spruce this stuff up a bit.
Today is another hearing to clarify stuff in the judge's order. It was supposed to kick off at 4pm central time. I haven't heard from my lawyer, yet, which means that it's actually happening right now. Hopefully, something will go our way. My stomach is in knots. I'm ready for this to be done.
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