Nobody ever said life was easy

I spent another weekend traveling.  I would say I spent it in Omaha, but really, I think I spent the most amount of time in airports or planes.  The short time I did get to spend in Omaha with Scooter was fantastic.  And sad.  Fantastic and sad.  As awesome as it was to spend time as a family over her Christmas break, it was at least as great to spend it one on one with her this weekend.  We went to the zoo (only indoor displays, please!), we walked around the mall, we watched some movies.  It was way too short.  And it's getting harder.  It's getting harder for me at least, to drop her back off at her dad's and go back to the airport.  I cry on the way to the airport.  I cry at the gate waiting to board.  Sometimes I cry while we're in the air.  I just want my daughter back.  I just want us to be a family again. 

She and I have been a family since the day she was born.  After Adam moved out, she and I were still family.  After Ben and I got married, it was Scooter and I that welcomed him into our family.  After Bubba was born, there were 4 in our circle.  Through all the changes, the core was still there.  But now, as I type this back in Portland, she's not.  And everytime I leave her back in Omaha by herself, a little bit of my heart chips off.

Perhaps that's why when I went through security at the Omaha airport yesterday, I didn't look very happy.  And it's dangerous to not look happy when you're traveling.  I've been reading recently about how TSA agents are trained to detect microfacial expressions.  So...if you're looking especially anxious or stressed, they'll screen you harder.  And screen me they did.  They sent me through the "look at her underpants" scanner.  After that, they patted me down, and I must admit that nobody has spent that much time rubbing my behind in a long time.  After that, they swabbed my hands for explosives.  When I asked what that machine was for, the "highly trained" TSA agent said, "oh.  it's explosives."  I responded with, "Oh my word!" (thinking...'I can't believe these guys think I have explosives on my hands!' followed by, 'crap!  i cleaned the bathroom this morning with comet!  i hope they don't think that it's actually some explosive chemical...').  He reassured me by saying, "oh...there's no explosive in the machine.  It only DETECTS explosives."  I said, "I know." 

What followed were 2 plane rides with screaming children in my same row.  In my experience, a screaming child is not so bad if they're at least 4 rows away.  But if you're seated in "the zone" it's pretty miserable.  I guess it wasn't that bad, though.  I was pretty miserable myself, and at least the children distracted everyone else from my sobs...