Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Insecurities abound

Have I told you lately that I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing at work?  As in, I have never felt like I knew what I was doing.  Even when I worked at OFFWIRE, and I was supposed to be the systems expert, I pretty much didn't know what I was doing.  I am pretty good at playing with computer programs, to the point of almost ruining everything, and then magically stopping and going back the way I came.  But other than that, if you work with me, you pretty much don't want me anywhere near whatever it is you're doing.

People (like my boss or coworkers) tend to give me the benefit of the doubt and assume that I have the foggiest idea of what they're talking about at any given time.  I don't.

For example, I've been working on one report for about a week.  That's not bad, really.  Lately, it's been taking me several weeks to get one done, but mostly because I'm working on 8 at a time, and I have to wait for the user of the info to get back to me about questions I've had, etc.  But this one has been different.  It's high priority, and instead of a regular analyst, my boss has been proofing the report, and acting as an intermediary between me and the actual users:  clinical managers.  I was pretty proud of my work.  It's out of tables that I have had no training on, using 3 sub-reports, etc.  Well...I had pride in it until I left town on Friday, and my boss called one of my cohorts in to take a look at a few problems with it.

Lucky for me, my coworker didn't solve any of the issues, and I was able to fix them all yesterday and today.  This afternoon, he came over to tell me that he's keeping the finished product in a "good reports" file where he can reference them if he runs into an issue on something that he's workign on.  Instead of feeling good about this, I got worried that maybe once he learns a little more about Crystal, he'll realize that I just fudge my way around that program without actually fixing problems.  Oops.

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