I used to be a mean mom. No candy or sweets. Always eat a good dinner. Always go to bed and stay in bed all night. No TV. Adults were always addressed by Mr or Miss. Pleases and thank yous were mandatory. I had no problem putting my child in time out at the grocery store. I had no problem taking my kid to the bathroom of a restaurant for a time out until we could settle down and eat a decent meal. Basically, I kept a figurative short leash on my child and there were always consequences. Always.
I've completely lost my edge. I've let my husband convince me that I'm too mean. That perhaps I don't like my own children because of the way I have tried to raise them. That I need to make exceptions for the little one because life has been scary and strange for the family during the past few months. But I think it's time for me to take back my parenting style. For one thing, when my daughter was the same age as my son is now, life was scary and strange. My ex-husband was in the process of moving out of the house. I was battling some mild depression. There was a question as to whether or not I could afford to stay in the house that we were living in because I wasn't making very much in my job. My daughter had to transition to full time daycare.
Now that I'm writing it out, many of the same life events that Bubba is facing were faced by my daughter at close to that same age. Bubba recently went back to full time daycare. Depending on the month lately, Bubba either lived without his mother or without his father. There are some major questions about how we're going to afford to live for the next couple of months. How did I deal with it then? I got out of bed in the morning, worked all day, played with my daughter in the evening, fed her, put her to bed, and did the same thing the next day. She was the reason why I was able to get out of bed in the morning. She was the reason why I made it through a day at work: I knew she needed me to do that and to come home in the evening. My parenting style didn't change. I was as mean as ever. But not because I was angry at her or because I wanted to deprive her of anything. It was just the opposite. It was because I wanted for her what I had growing up. Discipline, a healthy diet, enough rest, etc.
How am I dealing with it now? I still get out of bed in the morning. I still work all day. I still play or read books with Bubba. But the TV is on in the background. I help my husband cook 2 dinners. One for us and one for Bubba. And I get up with Bubba when he wakes up at night. Actually, my husband does much of the heavy lifting in all of those areas. But I know I'm going wrong somewhere. I know it doesn't have to be that way. I have gotten lazy, soft. Ben says that Bubba is more stubborn that Scooter, and that's why we're doing what we're doing. But what if it's just Bubba reacting to our parenting? He thinks he's the one in control, so he's taking it. Well guess what, son? I'm taking it back. It starts today. It's going to be a lot harder than it was with Scooter because it'll be a deviation from what he's experienced for 6+ months, but it's going to happen.
People compliment me all the time on how smart/well behaved/sweet my daughter is. And she is a sweet and clever girl, but she didn't magically get that way. She was raised that way. And I'll be damned if my boy isn't going to be just as sweet and smart and well behaved. Well...maybe just as sweet and smart.
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