Ok, there's really 7. But there's only 3 more spin classes. And after today, there's only 1of each day left. One more Monday, one more Sunday, etc. yay!!!
Last night's conversation was less than 5 minutes. There's absolutely nothing worse than hearing Vicky screeching at Scooter in the background when I'm on the phone with her. Seriously?! Seriously. And I would have every (legal) right to hang up on that woman if she ever tries to call Scooter when Scooter's out here. But will I? No. Because that's not healthy for my daughter, emotionally. Just like it doesn't make her feel good when you squawk at her to get off the phone when she's talking to her MOM. At one point last week, when Vicky was screeching, Scooter said, "oh! I have to go!" and kind of cut off all conversation. I said, "No you don't. What is this?! Prison?!" Scooter laughed and said, "Yeah. Kind of." After a little coaxing, I convinced her and she said, "Yeah. I CAN talk a little longer." It was refreshing. But generally, we play by the ex's (and most times, the ex's wife's) rules.
Due to a certain nickname that she has, I've taken to calling Vicky, Taun-taun. (Yeah, I'm a nerd who makes Star Wars references. So what?). I won't do that in front of Scooter, either. But everytime I think of calling her taun-taun, I laugh and laugh. It's the little things, right?
Bubba's new fun thing to do is to do impersonations. It's pretty funny, and we all crack up. He probably laughs the hardest. He also gets really intense and shakes every so often. But not because he's having a seizure. Just because he thinks it's funny to flex every muscle he has while stretching his face out like he's scared or smiling too widely. It's hilarious.
I had the opportunity to go back and work on some reports that I completed back in October, right after I started. You know what? It was barely recognizeable as my own work. I have improved so much in the past 7 months, it's crazy. A year ago, I was just learning what a stored procedure was, and now, I write all my reports as procs first. And it's easier. And faster. And better. Man, I'm really happy that I made this career advancement. I'm learning a lot. I'm improving my skills daily. I'm a lot happier, and added bonus! I'm making more money. Sure...I almost bankrupted my family in order to do this, but I really, really believe that this was the right choice. I just hope the rest of everything falls into place accordingly.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Inspirationless
I've been a little silent on here for a while. I guess I've run out of things to talk about. But, as any great writer will tell you, sometimes you just need to write, and the inspiration will come later. I don't purport to be a good writer, much less "great." In fact...I don't really see myself as a writer at all. Typing, on the other hand...I'm good at that.
A week ago yesterday, I fell on my way home. While the scab on my left knee is almost gone, a huge bruise remains, and it's still painful. I'm getting too old to fall down. My right knee still has 3 scabs on it. The 2 smaller ones are almost gone. The big one is still gross. Gross!
After skipping a bunch of spin classes, I started up again last Friday. In spin class, terms, I only have 4 more days until I leave to get Scooter. In real life, it's 9 days and a wake up. I'd rather think of it in spin class days...
Well, one of the things I was looking forward to has happened. I got my hair cut. Another thing to look forward to should happen either this week or early next: closing on the house. We ran into a few hiccups with closing - not on the buyer's side, which is what we're always scared of, but on our side. Yes, folks, the state automatically puts a lien on your house if you have a child support obligation. Nice. The lien can be released 1 of 2 ways: the ex signs a release (not going to happen), the state releases the lien because you don't owe anymore (has happened, except they won't release it until the ex's obligation starts: June 1st). ARGH!!! The title company is so kind as to accept a certified payment history from the state and the new order, releasing my child support obligation. Hopefully, we can make this happen.
Unfortunately, the ex won't have this problem if he ever sells his house - he's not on the title, so the state won't put a lien on his current house. Of course, as soon as he's in his new house this summer, the lien gets slapped on. So I guess there's a benefit to living rent-free with your girlfriend until she becomes your wife.
A week ago yesterday, I fell on my way home. While the scab on my left knee is almost gone, a huge bruise remains, and it's still painful. I'm getting too old to fall down. My right knee still has 3 scabs on it. The 2 smaller ones are almost gone. The big one is still gross. Gross!
After skipping a bunch of spin classes, I started up again last Friday. In spin class, terms, I only have 4 more days until I leave to get Scooter. In real life, it's 9 days and a wake up. I'd rather think of it in spin class days...
Well, one of the things I was looking forward to has happened. I got my hair cut. Another thing to look forward to should happen either this week or early next: closing on the house. We ran into a few hiccups with closing - not on the buyer's side, which is what we're always scared of, but on our side. Yes, folks, the state automatically puts a lien on your house if you have a child support obligation. Nice. The lien can be released 1 of 2 ways: the ex signs a release (not going to happen), the state releases the lien because you don't owe anymore (has happened, except they won't release it until the ex's obligation starts: June 1st). ARGH!!! The title company is so kind as to accept a certified payment history from the state and the new order, releasing my child support obligation. Hopefully, we can make this happen.
Unfortunately, the ex won't have this problem if he ever sells his house - he's not on the title, so the state won't put a lien on his current house. Of course, as soon as he's in his new house this summer, the lien gets slapped on. So I guess there's a benefit to living rent-free with your girlfriend until she becomes your wife.
The ex took his first step forward in the appeals process. Here come more stress hormones. Seriously. If humans were supposed to live like this, there wouldn't be such a thing as antacids - we'd all be used to this by now. I like how the ex's new wife (remember Vicky?)
sent me a psychology study that she obviously didn't read. It's title was something like "the effects of moving on children of divorced parents" or something. Basically, by reading the title, you'd think that it'd be a bad thing to move away from one parent. If she had actually read the study, she would have found that moving away from one parent can actually help a child's development if they are in a stable, loving home environment, especially if the parents' relationship is contentious. Well...I think a $100,000 (when you take into account both party's expenses when it's all said and done) court battle is pretty contentious. Also, the study strongly discouraged lengthy court battles, as those can have extremely negative effects on children of divorce. Hm...maybe they should back off a little.
Oh...and the study also said that in the case of divorce with children, the kids are often times better off if the non-custodial parent dies. I'm not going to go so far as to suggest anything. I'm just saying... before sending me studies about how kids shouldn't move with their loving, stable parent, maybe you should actually read them.
But enough about that nonsense. We're in the home stretch until Scooter comes home-home. I can't wait.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
It is done.
I'm pretty sure that Ben hates it. Or...he might not hate it-hate it, but he certainly prefers it long. That's just so weird to me. This is the cut that I always picture myself with when I think about me doing stuff. This is the cut that I always look forward to after I spend years growing it out for locks of love. I'm pretty sure this is the cut that "fits" me the best. It's strange, when you think about it. This is my favorite haircut, and it's the one that I generally have for the shortest amount of time. I might keep it up for a couple of months, but then I'm back to growing it out, again. Isn't it weird when you meet someone with a certain hairstyle, and then in an instant, it's all changed. Do you see them differently? Because maybe, that's who they've been all along.
I met Ben about a year after I started growing my hair out this past time. I couldn't fit it into a pony tail when we first started dating. It grew pretty quickly, but I went through a mini, mid-grow-out freak out and chopped a bunch off a couple of years ago. It wasn't enough for a donation, but it also wasn't enough to give me short hair, either. This is the first time he's experienced the hair that I've always had under neath all that length. I think it'll grow on him. Either that, or I'll grow it out. A year from now, I'll have the hair I had when he fell in love with me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not in mourning the whole time I grow my hair out. I've really enjoyed most of my "grow out" cuts. My last hair professional in Omaha did a fantastic job growing out my hair twice while always making me look "hip" and "pretty." Hopefully, this guy can do the same. I guess we'll find out, starting in 8 weeks.
I met Ben about a year after I started growing my hair out this past time. I couldn't fit it into a pony tail when we first started dating. It grew pretty quickly, but I went through a mini, mid-grow-out freak out and chopped a bunch off a couple of years ago. It wasn't enough for a donation, but it also wasn't enough to give me short hair, either. This is the first time he's experienced the hair that I've always had under neath all that length. I think it'll grow on him. Either that, or I'll grow it out. A year from now, I'll have the hair I had when he fell in love with me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not in mourning the whole time I grow my hair out. I've really enjoyed most of my "grow out" cuts. My last hair professional in Omaha did a fantastic job growing out my hair twice while always making me look "hip" and "pretty." Hopefully, this guy can do the same. I guess we'll find out, starting in 8 weeks.
insult? Meet injury
I fell down on my way home from work yesterday. It was embarrassing and painful, but not painfully embarrassing. I'm not quite sure what happened. I was crossing the street. Cross traffic had a stop sign, so the car I was watching was also watching me. He was waiting patiently for me to get safely to the other side of the street before going.
I picked up my left foot to step onto the curb, and it slipped off. To catch myself, I picked up my right foot to step onto the curb, except I didn't pick that one up high enough. My toe rammed into the side of the curb, and I went flying with the weight of my backpack pushing me to the ground. Oops. The worst part was not falling over in front of a car, though. The worst part was landing on my knees in my favorite pair of work pants. I skinned both my knees, and roughed up the palms of my hands. The right knee in my favorite pair of work pants might not make it.
I talked to my mom last night on the phone about it. She laughed and said, "do you want me to iron a giant, navy blue denim patch onto them?" ha ha ha. Ah...those were the days. But yeah. I kind of DO want a giant navy blue denim patch ironed onto my pants.
Today's the big hair day. Actually, it's the day my hair gets smaller. Much smaller. I can't wait 5 hours from now, I'll have short hair again. Maybe I should celebrate by swimming for my workout tomorrow morning...except they probably frown upon giant scabs in the lap pool...
I picked up my left foot to step onto the curb, and it slipped off. To catch myself, I picked up my right foot to step onto the curb, except I didn't pick that one up high enough. My toe rammed into the side of the curb, and I went flying with the weight of my backpack pushing me to the ground. Oops. The worst part was not falling over in front of a car, though. The worst part was landing on my knees in my favorite pair of work pants. I skinned both my knees, and roughed up the palms of my hands. The right knee in my favorite pair of work pants might not make it.
I talked to my mom last night on the phone about it. She laughed and said, "do you want me to iron a giant, navy blue denim patch onto them?" ha ha ha. Ah...those were the days. But yeah. I kind of DO want a giant navy blue denim patch ironed onto my pants.
Today's the big hair day. Actually, it's the day my hair gets smaller. Much smaller. I can't wait 5 hours from now, I'll have short hair again. Maybe I should celebrate by swimming for my workout tomorrow morning...except they probably frown upon giant scabs in the lap pool...
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Before
All I have left is a "wake up" until my hair cut. Yay!! Tomorrow, I'll lose probably 2 pounds without doing anything other than handing over a million dollars to a "celebrity" hair stylist. I've shopped around town, and I've landed at a salon that's about 2 blocks from where I work. I can't wait.
Ben took "before" pictures this morning, which I'll update to this blog this evening. I look fabulous. I know. Hopefully, I'll look better tomorrow night. I'll try to get some "after" photos posted tomorrow or Thursday. Hopefully, everything will turn out ok. Hair people tend to shy away from such dramatic changes, especially if they don't know me. But let's face it, people. I hate having long hair. I'll do it for a while, but it's always with the purpose to "give back to the kids." I recently joked that it's been so long since my last trim that most of my hair is damaged-ends. A friend said that kids have small heads, anyway, so they should be fine.
I finally made it back to the gym today, after a week off. It was horrible. First off, I'm tired. It's been several long days, recently. Stress has also been taking its toll. But I did get to talk to Scooter yesterday - twice! She sounded pretty good. I think she's looking forward to coming out here, but I've been made somewhat of a villain for not letting her play her last soccer game in Omaha. Her last game is at 2:30 on Sunday, with a little party afterward, and well....if we flew out after that, we'd have to take a 6pm flight or later. There aren't many flights leaving that late for PDX, in fact, I think there's just 1. And it doesn't get in until after midnight. So...no. We're leaving Omaha on Saturday. Flights are already booked.
I think I've been made a villain anyway, but in 7 year old terms, soccer is the sticking point. But you know what? She's 7. There can be 10-14 more years of soccer (if she chooses to continue to play), and she needs to get settled in her new home before school starts on Monday for her. I think if I sat down and gave her the choice of hanging out with her brother or playing soccer, Bubba would win, hands down, every time, anyway.
She was excited when we talked on Sunday, about going to the park yesterday with her dad. Last night when we talked, I found out that they spent a whopping 15 minutes at the park. Well...it's a good thing she wasn't allowed to go to the Children's Museum with my mom, then. She would have really missed out on some quality park time with her dad. He has not responded to any phone calls or emails. So...I guess when he told Scooter that she won't be going to summer camp with my mom, no amount of negotiation will sway him. Argh. Scooter looks forward to that camp every year. It's a great, wholesome, opportunity for her to hang out with her 9 cousins for a week. You should see them at that church camp. They're like a little gang. Unstoppable - except by the ex. So...she may miss this year as we wrangle with the courts to see if it's possible to make him abide by a court order. It seems like it's not possible, as he's gotten his way every time thus far. I guess time will tell.
Ben took "before" pictures this morning, which I'll update to this blog this evening. I look fabulous. I know. Hopefully, I'll look better tomorrow night. I'll try to get some "after" photos posted tomorrow or Thursday. Hopefully, everything will turn out ok. Hair people tend to shy away from such dramatic changes, especially if they don't know me. But let's face it, people. I hate having long hair. I'll do it for a while, but it's always with the purpose to "give back to the kids." I recently joked that it's been so long since my last trim that most of my hair is damaged-ends. A friend said that kids have small heads, anyway, so they should be fine.
I finally made it back to the gym today, after a week off. It was horrible. First off, I'm tired. It's been several long days, recently. Stress has also been taking its toll. But I did get to talk to Scooter yesterday - twice! She sounded pretty good. I think she's looking forward to coming out here, but I've been made somewhat of a villain for not letting her play her last soccer game in Omaha. Her last game is at 2:30 on Sunday, with a little party afterward, and well....if we flew out after that, we'd have to take a 6pm flight or later. There aren't many flights leaving that late for PDX, in fact, I think there's just 1. And it doesn't get in until after midnight. So...no. We're leaving Omaha on Saturday. Flights are already booked.
I think I've been made a villain anyway, but in 7 year old terms, soccer is the sticking point. But you know what? She's 7. There can be 10-14 more years of soccer (if she chooses to continue to play), and she needs to get settled in her new home before school starts on Monday for her. I think if I sat down and gave her the choice of hanging out with her brother or playing soccer, Bubba would win, hands down, every time, anyway.
She was excited when we talked on Sunday, about going to the park yesterday with her dad. Last night when we talked, I found out that they spent a whopping 15 minutes at the park. Well...it's a good thing she wasn't allowed to go to the Children's Museum with my mom, then. She would have really missed out on some quality park time with her dad. He has not responded to any phone calls or emails. So...I guess when he told Scooter that she won't be going to summer camp with my mom, no amount of negotiation will sway him. Argh. Scooter looks forward to that camp every year. It's a great, wholesome, opportunity for her to hang out with her 9 cousins for a week. You should see them at that church camp. They're like a little gang. Unstoppable - except by the ex. So...she may miss this year as we wrangle with the courts to see if it's possible to make him abide by a court order. It seems like it's not possible, as he's gotten his way every time thus far. I guess time will tell.
Monday, May 2, 2011
a new perspective
I read an article today about how the Pearl Harbor memorial and museum recently unveiled a "Japanese perspective" on the run up to WWII. It got me thinking. I wonder if I should take on an "ex perspective" on the run up to Family War II (FWII). So here it goes, from the ex's point of view, speaking to his child:
1. I repeatedly cheated on your mother. Sure...we went to several months of marriage counselling, but it was just a bunch of people trying to tell me what to do. I'm an adult. I can make my own choices. So when your mom finally asked me to move out, I chose to wait until your second birthday to do so.
2. I never did like that "child support" thing. Why should I pay your mom anything? But I had to pay it, so I did. I might have been late a few times (or 46) over the (4) years, but whatever.
3. I often put my job ahead of you on my list of priorities. You have to understand, Scooter. I like my job. I also liked my new-found singledom. It was nice to skip a day with you now and again in order to hang out with my friends. It didn't hurt anyone (except you, maybe), and besides...you were ALWAYS there if I wanted to see you.
4. When given the option between seeing you and jerking your mom around, well...the temptation to jerk your mom around was just too great. That's why I never took any time off work to spend with you when your mom would go out of town.
5. When your mom brought up the idea of you and her moving out of state, I told her to go ahead and do it. I'd see you in the summers, afterall, and that way, I wouldn't have to drive across town all the time to get you. I mean, no offense, but it was a PAIN to drive all that way just to spend time with you.
6. I never told your mom that I changed my mind about the move. Have you ever seen her when she's angry, or when she thinks she's right about something? She always has all of these logical arguments, and I don't want to deal with that, anymore.
7. I hired a bad attorney. I came to trial unprepared. I lied. A lot. I'm just not good with communication or looking objectively at situations.
8. My unpreparedness turned around and bit me when I lost the court case. The judge adopted all of your mother's suggestions, which were provided to the court. I didn't provide anything, but MAN...I don't understand why I didn't get anything I wanted. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I don't want to be judged on my past actions. I want to be judged on my intentions! I don't understand why the judge did what he did!
9. I have allowed outside influences to cloud my judgement when it comes to your grandmother. I know she loves you. She and I used to have a good relationship, but the fact that she birthed your mother just makes me SO MAD. You can't see her anymore under my care because obviously, it would be logical and mature for me to nurture relationships between you and some of the people who love you. We all know I hate that stuff.
10. The worst thing in the world is that my child support obligation went up. I can't see it as a means for you to be cared for. I can only see it as a means to benefit your mom.
Hm...yeah. I guess when you look at it that way...WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!!! My mom was your one champion in all of this. My mom could see your perspective more often than I sometimes wanted to hear, and she's the very person that you are alienating right now. Well...her and your own daughter. The parenting plan that we put together was GENEROUS. Get over your nonsense and start acting like you actually care for your daughter.
1. I repeatedly cheated on your mother. Sure...we went to several months of marriage counselling, but it was just a bunch of people trying to tell me what to do. I'm an adult. I can make my own choices. So when your mom finally asked me to move out, I chose to wait until your second birthday to do so.
2. I never did like that "child support" thing. Why should I pay your mom anything? But I had to pay it, so I did. I might have been late a few times (or 46) over the (4) years, but whatever.
3. I often put my job ahead of you on my list of priorities. You have to understand, Scooter. I like my job. I also liked my new-found singledom. It was nice to skip a day with you now and again in order to hang out with my friends. It didn't hurt anyone (except you, maybe), and besides...you were ALWAYS there if I wanted to see you.
4. When given the option between seeing you and jerking your mom around, well...the temptation to jerk your mom around was just too great. That's why I never took any time off work to spend with you when your mom would go out of town.
5. When your mom brought up the idea of you and her moving out of state, I told her to go ahead and do it. I'd see you in the summers, afterall, and that way, I wouldn't have to drive across town all the time to get you. I mean, no offense, but it was a PAIN to drive all that way just to spend time with you.
6. I never told your mom that I changed my mind about the move. Have you ever seen her when she's angry, or when she thinks she's right about something? She always has all of these logical arguments, and I don't want to deal with that, anymore.
7. I hired a bad attorney. I came to trial unprepared. I lied. A lot. I'm just not good with communication or looking objectively at situations.
8. My unpreparedness turned around and bit me when I lost the court case. The judge adopted all of your mother's suggestions, which were provided to the court. I didn't provide anything, but MAN...I don't understand why I didn't get anything I wanted. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I don't want to be judged on my past actions. I want to be judged on my intentions! I don't understand why the judge did what he did!
9. I have allowed outside influences to cloud my judgement when it comes to your grandmother. I know she loves you. She and I used to have a good relationship, but the fact that she birthed your mother just makes me SO MAD. You can't see her anymore under my care because obviously, it would be logical and mature for me to nurture relationships between you and some of the people who love you. We all know I hate that stuff.
10. The worst thing in the world is that my child support obligation went up. I can't see it as a means for you to be cared for. I can only see it as a means to benefit your mom.
Hm...yeah. I guess when you look at it that way...WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!!! My mom was your one champion in all of this. My mom could see your perspective more often than I sometimes wanted to hear, and she's the very person that you are alienating right now. Well...her and your own daughter. The parenting plan that we put together was GENEROUS. Get over your nonsense and start acting like you actually care for your daughter.
18 days and a wake up
Yeah, I was in the army. I spent 4 years as an officer after going to college on an ROTC scholarship. It was an interesting time in my life. I made one of the worst decisions of my life under the influence of the military: marrying the ex. Don't get me wrong. I don't regret it. I have just come to realize what a poor decision that was.
During that military phase of my life, people came and went - it's kind of the nature of the game. Especially in a place like Korea, where there's just a 1 year tour of duty. As people got closer to their "PCS" date, they'd get something akin to senioritus and start counting down the days. If today is Monday, and they left on Friday, they'd call it "3 days and a wake-up." It made it seem shorter than it was, but it was also fairly accurate. Monday didn't count because it's already happening, and Friday didn't count because that was THE DAY. So...T-Th and a wake up it was.
Using that same logic, I've got 18 days and a wake up until Scooter comes home. With Ben back (last night) and Bubba still here (and happy to see his dad), I guess we're ready to fall back into that strange routine we've become accustomed to. Taking everything day by day and punctuating each evening with that "will she or won't she answer the phone" anxiety. It's been so nerve-wracking around the house lately that Bubba has taken to asking, "Mommy OK? Daddy OK? Scooter* OK? Bubba* OK?"
Yes, love, everybody is OK.
*You know I don't use my kids' real names, but he does. So I changed them.
During that military phase of my life, people came and went - it's kind of the nature of the game. Especially in a place like Korea, where there's just a 1 year tour of duty. As people got closer to their "PCS" date, they'd get something akin to senioritus and start counting down the days. If today is Monday, and they left on Friday, they'd call it "3 days and a wake-up." It made it seem shorter than it was, but it was also fairly accurate. Monday didn't count because it's already happening, and Friday didn't count because that was THE DAY. So...T-Th and a wake up it was.
Using that same logic, I've got 18 days and a wake up until Scooter comes home. With Ben back (last night) and Bubba still here (and happy to see his dad), I guess we're ready to fall back into that strange routine we've become accustomed to. Taking everything day by day and punctuating each evening with that "will she or won't she answer the phone" anxiety. It's been so nerve-wracking around the house lately that Bubba has taken to asking, "Mommy OK? Daddy OK? Scooter* OK? Bubba* OK?"
Yes, love, everybody is OK.
*You know I don't use my kids' real names, but he does. So I changed them.
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