I'm going to take my "sheesh daycare is expensive" rant to an all new level today. Let me start off by saying that we really got off easy on the daycare expenses last year. With Ben at home starting in April, Scooter didn't really have any daycare expenses to speak of. And then there was the hospitalization and subsequent keeping Bubba at home debacle that cut another month and a half out of daycare expenses. And then we hired a part time nanny for 7 months before putting Bubba back into daycare out here. Incredibly, our part time nanny was cheaper than full-on daycare, only we got individual attention and trips to the park everyday.
It was a win-win, really. Except for the times when Bubba didn't sleep as late as he should have or when he would randomly decide not to nap. Also, despite the one-on-one attention, there could have been more learning activities for Bubba. But again, you get what you pay for, and we were skating by on $200 a week. If we add up our expenses for the year, we're looking at almost $8,000 in daycare expenses.
...and cue the rant. Taxes. Do you know what the amount of credit the government allows is? Up to 35% of your expenses up to $3,000 for one child and $6,000 for two or more children, depending on your income (the more you make, you qualify for less credit). Those qualifying expenses are then reduced by any dependent care benefits (or flex acct dollars) offered by your employer. Also...even if both spouses have the option of a flex account, a family may only put up to $5,000 into a dependent care pre-tax account. What does this mean? Well, we can start with 2010's tax return for us.
We spent $8,000 on daycare for Bubba. We had $3,000 in qualifying daycare expenses (we maxed it out!). Except now, we subract the $5,000 Ben had put into his dependent care flex account, and we're left with 0. We were able to use $0 credit on our tax return. Ok, I understand. We couldn't claim Scooter this year. I get it. The most we'd ever be able to use is $1K. But what about our next year's return?
We'll spend $13,000 on daycare for Bubba, 0 for Scooter. So...we'll have $3,000 in qualifying expenses, minus the $5K in flex, and...what? 0 again?! And this is where I get fired up. The range of care costs for a child in Bubba's age range is from $4550 to $18750 around the nation. Obviously, the average for the US is somewhere in the middle, but still...we can take the full amount of mortgage interest paid as a deduction, but only $3,000 or $6,000 in child care expenses? Buying a home is a choice. Often times, sending a child to daycare is a necessity. According to a 2010 survey conducted by the National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies, in 40 states, the cost of a year's worth of child care exceeds that of a year of tuition and associated fees at a 4 year public university. And yet, we can only put $5k in a dependent care flex, and we can only qualify for $3,000 in expenses for a tax credit (which is then negated by the flex money).
Generally, when a family is sending their child to daycare, they are young. Maybe not quite starting out in their careers, but pretty close. Hardly the time to be able to cough up $10,000 a year in daycare. Oh, and there's no 529 account for daycare. Not that a new parent would have had the foresight to invest in one before their child was even born, anyway. In all of the hooplah over the federal budget and the American tax payor, how about taking a look at policies surrounding encouraging Americans to work? I've known several people who have left the workforce because between commuting costs and daycare, it just wasn't worth it. These are bright, productive people who are taking themselves out of the workforce. These are taxpayers that are leaving the pool. But you know....let's just keep on giving first time home buyers credit and deducting our mortgage interest while young mothers and fathers struggle to find affordable, quality care for the next group of taxpayers. That makes sense.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Yay! And we're moving forward again.
Scooter's coming out here for her spring break this year. I'll say that again, with the ethusiasm I'm feeling about it. SCOOTER'S COMING OUT HERE FOR HER SPRING BREAK THIS YEAR!!!!! Yep. That's better. I've already purchased 6 one-way tickets to make this work logistically. Ben goes to Omaha, Ben and Scooter come back to Portland. Scooter and I go back to Omaha, I come home to Portland. It was quite the effort to look up round trip vs one way and to coordinate so that the solo flights of Ben and myself got us to where we needed to be for our accompanying flights with Scooter. But it's done. Settled. Awesome.
We're going to have a terrific week, too. All sorts of plans. Some of which are secret plans, to be announced later. I'm so pumped. I'm also heading back to Omaha on the 25th of this month, about 10 days away. I'm excited about that, too. I'll be there when Scooter gets out of school on Friday, and I'll stay until after school on Monday.
In other exciting news (for some), our very own Vicky really is pregnant. The pre-natals were probably a hint. Scooter confirmed last night. The whole thing is very odd. Vicky sets up the skype session several weeks ago (with her pre-natals in the computer room. They were actually right beside the computer), where Scooter picked up the bottle to show the camera. It was awkward. I didn't really show any reaction. Was I supposed to ask her about it? Because I didn't. Last night, Scooter made the announcement. Due date: late September, early October. That's right, folks, this thing is still 7 and a half months away, but they're already telling me about it. Kind of early to start telling people, given Vicky's age, if you ask me. But nobody did, so I was excited for Scooter, even if I did get a little dig in via email later last night. I guess that explains why Vicky looked like hell at the trial. The first trimester is rough time.
The announcement was also kind of awkward. Right after Scooter told me about it, I could hear her dad in the background say something and Scooter answer, "yes" to whatever he said. Kind of makes me wonder if there was some coaching on that end of the line. But you know what? I don't care. It's not dampening my spirits one bit. Because SCOOTER'S COMING OUT HERE FOR...ok. You get the picture.
We're going to have a terrific week, too. All sorts of plans. Some of which are secret plans, to be announced later. I'm so pumped. I'm also heading back to Omaha on the 25th of this month, about 10 days away. I'm excited about that, too. I'll be there when Scooter gets out of school on Friday, and I'll stay until after school on Monday.
In other exciting news (for some), our very own Vicky really is pregnant. The pre-natals were probably a hint. Scooter confirmed last night. The whole thing is very odd. Vicky sets up the skype session several weeks ago (with her pre-natals in the computer room. They were actually right beside the computer), where Scooter picked up the bottle to show the camera. It was awkward. I didn't really show any reaction. Was I supposed to ask her about it? Because I didn't. Last night, Scooter made the announcement. Due date: late September, early October. That's right, folks, this thing is still 7 and a half months away, but they're already telling me about it. Kind of early to start telling people, given Vicky's age, if you ask me. But nobody did, so I was excited for Scooter, even if I did get a little dig in via email later last night. I guess that explains why Vicky looked like hell at the trial. The first trimester is rough time.
The announcement was also kind of awkward. Right after Scooter told me about it, I could hear her dad in the background say something and Scooter answer, "yes" to whatever he said. Kind of makes me wonder if there was some coaching on that end of the line. But you know what? I don't care. It's not dampening my spirits one bit. Because SCOOTER'S COMING OUT HERE FOR...ok. You get the picture.
Hooray for rainboots (kind of)
My new rainboots that my husband and kids got me for Christmas sprung a leak. Who knows how that happened. It doesn't really matter, though. It's still better than walking to work with dress shoes (or light hikers) on. They are warm, they protect my pants, and they make me feel rugged.
Today, about a block after I got off the train, it started snowing! Huge flakes at least the size of quarters filled the air. The weird part is that it was also still raining. That and it was still 37 degrees outside, so while the snow was beautiful in the air, once it hit the pavement, it was gone. It was still nice to walk through a winter wonderland without freezing.
It's been a busy, whirl-wind week. On Monday, I went to a 5:30am spin class. It wasn't full, but it was a good class. The instructor was motivational, except for the part where she played music that I think I would have lived a full life if I had never heard. A sample of the musical stylings include a mash up of the theme to Andy Griffith with Beyonce's "Single Ladies." Another interesting one was Wild Cherry's "Play That Funky Music" mixed with Franky Goes to Hollywood's "Relax." And did I mention that she sang along? The rest of the class is huffing and puffing, and she was singing along to the worst excuse for music ever recorded. Other than that, though, the class was really good. Ben got Bubba ready for me, so when I got home, all I had to do was run around like a crazy person to make it out the door in time for work. I forgot deoderant. Oops.
Yesterday, Ben started another free trial at a new BJJ (Brazillian Jiujitsu) gym. Even though it was just his first day, and he hasn't made any determination, yet, I already like the first one he tried better. It's closer, and they have noon classes, which is really convenient. Especially since Ben works from home, and wouldn't have to go back to an office after that. Bubba and I had a really fun swim lesson. My arms are super tired from all the over-head presses I did with him. He loves that.
Today, I was supposed to go to another spin class, but we've had a lot of late nights this week working on taxes, so...I skipped it. We slept in late, and Ben helped get Bubba ready for school again, anyway, even though I was at home. It was a dream. Ben's a dream-boat.
So, yeah. Taxes. Ugh. We've spent about 5 hours on them, so far, and we're not done. I'm paranoid that we're committing tax fraud because our refund is so huge (so far). Ben had barely any taxes taken out of his regular pay, but he overpaid taxes on his stock options last year. I've been nickel and diming (or thousand and ten thousanding) my Roth to pay our lawyer, and I was paranoid about that. Oh, and did I mention Ben is also a free-lance writer and I also got an EIN for myself in order to pay nanny taxes? What a mess. And we don't get to claim Scooter this year. I was paranoid about not having Scooter and having to pay nanny taxes, so apparently, I had too much withheld (especially considering how Ben handled his stock option exercise). Turbotax wouldn't send us down the wrong path, though, would it? I hope not. I'm looking forward to paying off our lawyer with the refund.
Today, about a block after I got off the train, it started snowing! Huge flakes at least the size of quarters filled the air. The weird part is that it was also still raining. That and it was still 37 degrees outside, so while the snow was beautiful in the air, once it hit the pavement, it was gone. It was still nice to walk through a winter wonderland without freezing.
It's been a busy, whirl-wind week. On Monday, I went to a 5:30am spin class. It wasn't full, but it was a good class. The instructor was motivational, except for the part where she played music that I think I would have lived a full life if I had never heard. A sample of the musical stylings include a mash up of the theme to Andy Griffith with Beyonce's "Single Ladies." Another interesting one was Wild Cherry's "Play That Funky Music" mixed with Franky Goes to Hollywood's "Relax." And did I mention that she sang along? The rest of the class is huffing and puffing, and she was singing along to the worst excuse for music ever recorded. Other than that, though, the class was really good. Ben got Bubba ready for me, so when I got home, all I had to do was run around like a crazy person to make it out the door in time for work. I forgot deoderant. Oops.
Yesterday, Ben started another free trial at a new BJJ (Brazillian Jiujitsu) gym. Even though it was just his first day, and he hasn't made any determination, yet, I already like the first one he tried better. It's closer, and they have noon classes, which is really convenient. Especially since Ben works from home, and wouldn't have to go back to an office after that. Bubba and I had a really fun swim lesson. My arms are super tired from all the over-head presses I did with him. He loves that.
Today, I was supposed to go to another spin class, but we've had a lot of late nights this week working on taxes, so...I skipped it. We slept in late, and Ben helped get Bubba ready for school again, anyway, even though I was at home. It was a dream. Ben's a dream-boat.
So, yeah. Taxes. Ugh. We've spent about 5 hours on them, so far, and we're not done. I'm paranoid that we're committing tax fraud because our refund is so huge (so far). Ben had barely any taxes taken out of his regular pay, but he overpaid taxes on his stock options last year. I've been nickel and diming (or thousand and ten thousanding) my Roth to pay our lawyer, and I was paranoid about that. Oh, and did I mention Ben is also a free-lance writer and I also got an EIN for myself in order to pay nanny taxes? What a mess. And we don't get to claim Scooter this year. I was paranoid about not having Scooter and having to pay nanny taxes, so apparently, I had too much withheld (especially considering how Ben handled his stock option exercise). Turbotax wouldn't send us down the wrong path, though, would it? I hope not. I'm looking forward to paying off our lawyer with the refund.
Monday, February 14, 2011
The weekend
We had a good weekend, except for the part where the whole family (Bubba - maybe? - excluded) feels guilty about having fun weekends when we know that Scooter is most likely bored out of her skull at her dad's house. Ugh.
I got back into the pool for the first time in months (like 9). I was surprisingly awful. As in...right after Bubba was born, and I was getting back into the swing of things, I would swim one hour or 100 laps, which ever came first. I would consistently hit 100 laps at around the 50-55 minute mark. On Saturday, I hit one hour at about 60 laps. I didn't even go a mile. Argh. In my defense, though, the pool was packed full, and some weirdo was floating on a noodle in the middle of my lane. Ok...really, I just stank up the joint. I'll do better next time.
Ben did some mountain biking on Saturday, too at Stub Stewart state park. He made a new friend, so hopefully, he'll have a riding buddy for a few other fun trips. It's a little harder for me to ride w/ Ben these days. 1...I'm not very good. and 2. (maybe more importantly??), we have Bubba around. Not that Bubba would'nt LOVE to be strapped onto a bike and careen down a mountain, but it's probably not safe, and Ben and I surely don't want to also have him strapped on for the inclines. He's getting heavy.
Sunday was a lovely day for a hike, so we drove down to Silver Falls state park for a short hike to one of their 10 waterfalls. Ben took some lovely pictures while Bubba and I said "hi" or "heyo" to each of the 50+ other hikers we passed. Bubba was in the backpack carrier, and he'd pop his head out over my shoulder and make the other hikers laugh or smile. For me, it really only made my shoulder ache. After that, we spent a lovely afternoon with Ben's aunt and uncle and cousin.
I got to talk to Scooter on the way home from Crawfordsville, and for the first time in a while, she was really talkative. Don't get me wrong. We talk everyday, and she always has something to say, but yesterday, she was really filling me in on school and soccer and life in general. It was fantastic. And then her dad made her get off the phone. She was in the middle of a sentence, and suddenly, it was, "oh. Ok. um..mom. I have to wrap it up." And, as always when she gets cut off, she went into her shell and was suddenly quiet and baby-talkish. It infuriates me.
I got back into the pool for the first time in months (like 9). I was surprisingly awful. As in...right after Bubba was born, and I was getting back into the swing of things, I would swim one hour or 100 laps, which ever came first. I would consistently hit 100 laps at around the 50-55 minute mark. On Saturday, I hit one hour at about 60 laps. I didn't even go a mile. Argh. In my defense, though, the pool was packed full, and some weirdo was floating on a noodle in the middle of my lane. Ok...really, I just stank up the joint. I'll do better next time.
Ben did some mountain biking on Saturday, too at Stub Stewart state park. He made a new friend, so hopefully, he'll have a riding buddy for a few other fun trips. It's a little harder for me to ride w/ Ben these days. 1...I'm not very good. and 2. (maybe more importantly??), we have Bubba around. Not that Bubba would'nt LOVE to be strapped onto a bike and careen down a mountain, but it's probably not safe, and Ben and I surely don't want to also have him strapped on for the inclines. He's getting heavy.
Sunday was a lovely day for a hike, so we drove down to Silver Falls state park for a short hike to one of their 10 waterfalls. Ben took some lovely pictures while Bubba and I said "hi" or "heyo" to each of the 50+ other hikers we passed. Bubba was in the backpack carrier, and he'd pop his head out over my shoulder and make the other hikers laugh or smile. For me, it really only made my shoulder ache. After that, we spent a lovely afternoon with Ben's aunt and uncle and cousin.
I got to talk to Scooter on the way home from Crawfordsville, and for the first time in a while, she was really talkative. Don't get me wrong. We talk everyday, and she always has something to say, but yesterday, she was really filling me in on school and soccer and life in general. It was fantastic. And then her dad made her get off the phone. She was in the middle of a sentence, and suddenly, it was, "oh. Ok. um..mom. I have to wrap it up." And, as always when she gets cut off, she went into her shell and was suddenly quiet and baby-talkish. It infuriates me.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Happy Memories from Tuesday
Although overall, I still fee pretty awful about the whole trial, case, etc. I do have to revel in some of the happier points (for me) from this whole ordeal. Some of the antics from Tuesday were pretty funny, when looked at from farther away. I'll list a few below, and if I think of any others in the coming days, I'll go ahead and write new posts to capture them. Because if nothing else good comes of this, at least I'll have the memories of people, besides myself, looking dumb to a district court judge...
1. The Gun.
At one point, while we were trying to impeach (catch the ex in a "lie" or at least point out where he's maybe not so credible) the ex, he admitted that he had a gun in the courtroom. The judge was not amused:
Judge: You have a gun? In HERE?
Ex: Yes sir. I'm a police officer, and every time I come to the courthouse, I see people who don't like me. You know, people I've arrested...
Judge: You should try being a judge sometime. I would appreciate it if you'd lock up your weapon in the future, and do not bring a gun into my courtroom.
Ex: Yes sir.
2. The legitimate reason hurdle.
There are 2 main points in a removal case: does the plaintif have a legitimate reason to move, and is the move in the best interest of the child(ren). During Joni Mitchell's closing, she referred to 3 hurdles, but only 1 of which was she clear on. The legitimate reason hurdle. While she was in the middle of lambasting me for not clearing the first hurdle the judge interrupted her:
Judge: I've seen several removal cases where the plaintif falls in love with someone, who, for whatever reason, can't move to Omaha, and THAT is a legitimate reason for removal. They might not even be married. It might be a boyfriend she's moving for. That's a legitimate reason. Is this job not legitimate?
3. The "ties to community" hurdle.
This is not actually a hurdle. It's one of several prongs to look at in the "best interest of the children" hurdle. But anyway, it was part of her closing argument. That we didn't meet that hurdle, either. Because, according to Joni Mitchell, what bigger tie to the community is there, than her own father?! And that's where the judge interrupted her again:
Judge: uh, well...hm. In no case law or removal case that I've seen is the non-custodial parent considered a tie to the commuity. That's the whole reason why we have removal cases.
4. Scooter's testimony.
Joni Mitchell gave an impassioned speech. Like...total stream of consciousness nonsense. The judge had actually warned both lawyers to stick to the facts. Let's not get emotional and heated. In other words, he was aware that one of the parties had a gun in his courtroom, and that there have been heated exchanges between one of the parties and the other party's husband, and he didn't want any disaster happening. And in the middle of Joni Mitchell's closing, she brought up Scooter's in camera testimony. The in camera testimony happened back in November with the judge, both lawyers, and Scooter, and the judge gave his word that nothing Scooter said would leave his chambers. That it was a safety zone for her to just talk. Apparently, Joni Mitchell took that to mean she could twist Scooter's words around into a plea to stay in Omaha. The judge was not happy:
Judge: From what she said, it was clear that she loved her mom and she loved her dad. It was clear that she felt that they both loved her. Her testimony...she's obviously at a very tender age. Her testimony didn't weigh in favor either way.
Joni Mitchell: But you asked her. She didn't see her dad as a 10% dad. She saw him as the guy she saw every other DAY!
Judge: I gave that little girl my word that whatever she said would not leave my chambers. That's enough on her testimony.
If anyone who was there that day reads this...feel free to comment on what the best part of the day was for you. I might need a little pick me up as I wallow in my scared little shell for the next few weeks/months...
1. The Gun.
At one point, while we were trying to impeach (catch the ex in a "lie" or at least point out where he's maybe not so credible) the ex, he admitted that he had a gun in the courtroom. The judge was not amused:
Judge: You have a gun? In HERE?
Ex: Yes sir. I'm a police officer, and every time I come to the courthouse, I see people who don't like me. You know, people I've arrested...
Judge: You should try being a judge sometime. I would appreciate it if you'd lock up your weapon in the future, and do not bring a gun into my courtroom.
Ex: Yes sir.
2. The legitimate reason hurdle.
There are 2 main points in a removal case: does the plaintif have a legitimate reason to move, and is the move in the best interest of the child(ren). During Joni Mitchell's closing, she referred to 3 hurdles, but only 1 of which was she clear on. The legitimate reason hurdle. While she was in the middle of lambasting me for not clearing the first hurdle the judge interrupted her:
Judge: I've seen several removal cases where the plaintif falls in love with someone, who, for whatever reason, can't move to Omaha, and THAT is a legitimate reason for removal. They might not even be married. It might be a boyfriend she's moving for. That's a legitimate reason. Is this job not legitimate?
3. The "ties to community" hurdle.
This is not actually a hurdle. It's one of several prongs to look at in the "best interest of the children" hurdle. But anyway, it was part of her closing argument. That we didn't meet that hurdle, either. Because, according to Joni Mitchell, what bigger tie to the community is there, than her own father?! And that's where the judge interrupted her again:
Judge: uh, well...hm. In no case law or removal case that I've seen is the non-custodial parent considered a tie to the commuity. That's the whole reason why we have removal cases.
4. Scooter's testimony.
Joni Mitchell gave an impassioned speech. Like...total stream of consciousness nonsense. The judge had actually warned both lawyers to stick to the facts. Let's not get emotional and heated. In other words, he was aware that one of the parties had a gun in his courtroom, and that there have been heated exchanges between one of the parties and the other party's husband, and he didn't want any disaster happening. And in the middle of Joni Mitchell's closing, she brought up Scooter's in camera testimony. The in camera testimony happened back in November with the judge, both lawyers, and Scooter, and the judge gave his word that nothing Scooter said would leave his chambers. That it was a safety zone for her to just talk. Apparently, Joni Mitchell took that to mean she could twist Scooter's words around into a plea to stay in Omaha. The judge was not happy:
Judge: From what she said, it was clear that she loved her mom and she loved her dad. It was clear that she felt that they both loved her. Her testimony...she's obviously at a very tender age. Her testimony didn't weigh in favor either way.
Joni Mitchell: But you asked her. She didn't see her dad as a 10% dad. She saw him as the guy she saw every other DAY!
Judge: I gave that little girl my word that whatever she said would not leave my chambers. That's enough on her testimony.
If anyone who was there that day reads this...feel free to comment on what the best part of the day was for you. I might need a little pick me up as I wallow in my scared little shell for the next few weeks/months...
Brrr. Kind of
It was 30 degrees when I started my commute this morning. Chilly! Except it was -5 when I left Omaha yesterday, and I was wearing the same number of layers today, so it actually felt pretty nice. Like...35 degrees warmer, which is like going from 60-95, but totally different.
I realized on my way in today that I might feel sick to my stomach for the next couple of months until I know one way or another. After the first day of trial, I cried for a few days, and then we settled back into a routine of living our lives one day at at time. I'm hoping that I'm able to do that again, but right now, I feel sick all the time. I feel on the verge of tears at any moment - like if my boss asks me how I'm doing, I'm just going to burst into tears. And I've been having trouble sleeping. Normally, I win the "race" to sleep with my husband. It's kind of out of necessity because if he wins, his snoring makes it that much harder for me to fall asleep. Lately, I've been losing, and then once I fall asleep, I've been unable to stay asleep. I'll wake up, and just lie there. It's annoying, and I'm sure it's not helping my emotional state.
In happier news, our house, which has been on the market for months, now is scheduled to have 2 showings this week. One was yesterday and one will be on Friday. The weird news about that is that we kind of trashed the house when we were back there this week. The plan was for me to go back and clean like crazy the next time I visit Scooter. But now, we've got people walking through there. I hope they can look past the mess and see the house for its potential. Please, please, please buy the house!!
The only way selling the house is a bad thing is if we sell it at more of a loss than I am estimating, and we lose the court case and have to move back and/or pay the ex's attorney's fees. Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe even if we sell at a slight loss, and still have $25,000 of other expenses on top of the house, it'll be worth it just to not have to make a house payment every month, anymore. House payment, trash, water, heat, electricity...yeah. Maybe we just need to unload this thing, no matter what.
I realized on my way in today that I might feel sick to my stomach for the next couple of months until I know one way or another. After the first day of trial, I cried for a few days, and then we settled back into a routine of living our lives one day at at time. I'm hoping that I'm able to do that again, but right now, I feel sick all the time. I feel on the verge of tears at any moment - like if my boss asks me how I'm doing, I'm just going to burst into tears. And I've been having trouble sleeping. Normally, I win the "race" to sleep with my husband. It's kind of out of necessity because if he wins, his snoring makes it that much harder for me to fall asleep. Lately, I've been losing, and then once I fall asleep, I've been unable to stay asleep. I'll wake up, and just lie there. It's annoying, and I'm sure it's not helping my emotional state.
In happier news, our house, which has been on the market for months, now is scheduled to have 2 showings this week. One was yesterday and one will be on Friday. The weird news about that is that we kind of trashed the house when we were back there this week. The plan was for me to go back and clean like crazy the next time I visit Scooter. But now, we've got people walking through there. I hope they can look past the mess and see the house for its potential. Please, please, please buy the house!!
The only way selling the house is a bad thing is if we sell it at more of a loss than I am estimating, and we lose the court case and have to move back and/or pay the ex's attorney's fees. Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe even if we sell at a slight loss, and still have $25,000 of other expenses on top of the house, it'll be worth it just to not have to make a house payment every month, anymore. House payment, trash, water, heat, electricity...yeah. Maybe we just need to unload this thing, no matter what.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
...and, I'm taking a break
I know I'm supposed to keep going and all, but I'm tired. So tired. Yesterday was the second day of trial. It was scheduled for a half day (which in court terms means 3 hours), and we went beyond by over an hour. The judge was so kind. SOO kind to give us some time in his schedule late in the afternoon, and we took advantage of that. But let's start at the beginning...
Going in, I had convinced myself that we wouldn't finish yesterday. Call it a defense mechanism, but it seemed that there was too much to be done in too little time. We had already experienced a full day (8+ hours) of trial in which, for all intents and purposes, I was the only witness. How on earth could we do 2 more, rest our case, let them present their case and still get done in 3 hours? It was supposed to start at 9. The other attorney was late (we'll call her Joni Mitchell), so we didn't get started until 9:20. Argh!
Ben went first, and did a really good job. There was one line that I had wished was stated differently, but if I think back to my testimony, there's a million things I'd do differently. He was done before 10. Then, we called the ex. He actually did fairly well. Except for the 2 or more times my lawyer impeached him (basically caught him saying 2 - or more - different things under oath). And the time the judge was shocked at his stupidity for bringing a gun INTO THE COURTROOM. Let's see...I'm the defendant in a heated custody case. I think I'll bring a gun with me today! We finished just in time for the 10:30 break.
After break, Ms Mitchell cross-examined the ex, and then we had 1 or 2 questions for re-direct. And then we rested our case. Although the ex was the only person on her witness list, Joni Mitchell called me as her first witness. Then, she asked me all the same questions she asked me on December 13th. Then, she asked me why I left my old job. So I answered that. She got all excited and tried to impeach me, except she had never asked me why I had left my old job before, so that didn't work. My lawyer asked me 1 or 2 questions for his cross, and then she called the ex. He did pretty well, except at the end, when his lawyer let him just talk, and he just kept going and going. He has many regrets about how he's "parented" in the past 5 years.
And then it was 12:05. The judge had some meeting he had to get to. He had a few questions he wanted answered, and he would allow closing arguments. But we had run out of time. And this is where the judge showed some heart and allowed us to come back after 3:30 to finish up. It actually got under way shortly after 4pm. We answered his questions (actually, the lawyers cleared up the child support calculation worksheets and then the ex and his lawyer tried to straighten out the ex's schedule), and then the judge decided to issue a warning before closing arguments. He said that often times, closing arguments in these types of situations are emotionally charged and heated and that he really wanted us (meaning the lawyers) to stick with the facts and the case law. I read that to mean, "hey. there's a gun in here. let's all be cool about this, ok?"
My lawyer had a prepared outline and went through several case law cases and our facts and pretty much laid it out for the judge. He nodded along and it was done in 3 minutes. Joni Mitchell went on and on about what a horrible person I am. It seriously felt like personal attack. Maybe it wasn't, and I'm just being sensitive, but I'm not used to being vilified like that without the ability to defend myself. The judge interrupted her several times throughout her argument. Presentation-wise, we bested them for sure. I just hope that the facts are enough.
So anyway, it did get done. I take my hat off to my lawyer. I really didn't think that we'd pull it off, but we did. We're finished going to court. Now, we just have to wait the 4-7 weeks until the judge renders his verdict and another few weeks for the transcriber to type out the dictation. So...even though I'm going through hell, I'm going to have to pull off to the side of the road for a few weeks until that part gets straightened out.
Going in, I had convinced myself that we wouldn't finish yesterday. Call it a defense mechanism, but it seemed that there was too much to be done in too little time. We had already experienced a full day (8+ hours) of trial in which, for all intents and purposes, I was the only witness. How on earth could we do 2 more, rest our case, let them present their case and still get done in 3 hours? It was supposed to start at 9. The other attorney was late (we'll call her Joni Mitchell), so we didn't get started until 9:20. Argh!
Ben went first, and did a really good job. There was one line that I had wished was stated differently, but if I think back to my testimony, there's a million things I'd do differently. He was done before 10. Then, we called the ex. He actually did fairly well. Except for the 2 or more times my lawyer impeached him (basically caught him saying 2 - or more - different things under oath). And the time the judge was shocked at his stupidity for bringing a gun INTO THE COURTROOM. Let's see...I'm the defendant in a heated custody case. I think I'll bring a gun with me today! We finished just in time for the 10:30 break.
After break, Ms Mitchell cross-examined the ex, and then we had 1 or 2 questions for re-direct. And then we rested our case. Although the ex was the only person on her witness list, Joni Mitchell called me as her first witness. Then, she asked me all the same questions she asked me on December 13th. Then, she asked me why I left my old job. So I answered that. She got all excited and tried to impeach me, except she had never asked me why I had left my old job before, so that didn't work. My lawyer asked me 1 or 2 questions for his cross, and then she called the ex. He did pretty well, except at the end, when his lawyer let him just talk, and he just kept going and going. He has many regrets about how he's "parented" in the past 5 years.
And then it was 12:05. The judge had some meeting he had to get to. He had a few questions he wanted answered, and he would allow closing arguments. But we had run out of time. And this is where the judge showed some heart and allowed us to come back after 3:30 to finish up. It actually got under way shortly after 4pm. We answered his questions (actually, the lawyers cleared up the child support calculation worksheets and then the ex and his lawyer tried to straighten out the ex's schedule), and then the judge decided to issue a warning before closing arguments. He said that often times, closing arguments in these types of situations are emotionally charged and heated and that he really wanted us (meaning the lawyers) to stick with the facts and the case law. I read that to mean, "hey. there's a gun in here. let's all be cool about this, ok?"
My lawyer had a prepared outline and went through several case law cases and our facts and pretty much laid it out for the judge. He nodded along and it was done in 3 minutes. Joni Mitchell went on and on about what a horrible person I am. It seriously felt like personal attack. Maybe it wasn't, and I'm just being sensitive, but I'm not used to being vilified like that without the ability to defend myself. The judge interrupted her several times throughout her argument. Presentation-wise, we bested them for sure. I just hope that the facts are enough.
So anyway, it did get done. I take my hat off to my lawyer. I really didn't think that we'd pull it off, but we did. We're finished going to court. Now, we just have to wait the 4-7 weeks until the judge renders his verdict and another few weeks for the transcriber to type out the dictation. So...even though I'm going through hell, I'm going to have to pull off to the side of the road for a few weeks until that part gets straightened out.
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